Tales from my childhood

Alice in wonderland

This is what my dad says when asked the story of Alice in wonder land 

(Harry, if you're reading this, you're a much better storyteller than our dad)

" Once there was a stupid little, *sound of disgust* girl who fell into a hole, and she found a something that wasn't hers and being the stupid little girl she was she drank it, *disapproving cough* Then she fell down another hole, (mutters under breath) that clumsy idiot. So then she uh, finds to egg men I uh, think, and they die or something, I don't really care. So then she she uh, walks into a uh, scarecrow, wait no wrong blue apron girl. *shouts unneededly* FORGET I SAID THAT! So then, she uh, meets a-uh cat or something, I don't know, but the cat is clever and smart, and he tries to help her, but she won't listen *mutters under breath* that stubborn little hag. So um, them she meets a queen, a fare maiden who really liked the color red, and who was known as the queen of hearts. So the girl challenges the queen to a duel, for some stupid reason, and uh, the girl loses. But then the girl wants revenge because she doesn't like losing. SO she went to the queens younger, weaker, and stupider sister, and the two kill the queens pet dragon, and then try to kill her. But now she's here, stuck on the is stupid hunk of junk like the rest of us"

Well, there you go, that's what I was told when I was little. See you guys tomorrow for another oe of my dads weird versions of fair tales. BYE!