Rose's Petal Flames

Prologue.

"Rose! Come here," I heard her say.
My heart stopped and dropped in my stomach. This feeling was coming back.
I haven't looked her way let alone talk to her since she found out. I gulped. My eyes met with my friends. They all knew the kind of hurt would happen if she said the slightest utter of rejection.
I looked at my friends, Kyla, Laila and Munta. Hesitation written all over me. Laila leaned over and whispered in my ear," If she hurts you. You tell either me or Kandace. OK?"
"Y-yeah." I stood to my feet fixing my skirt and jacket. Heat rose up my face.
I walked to the table where she sat. She sat at a different table due to seating chart for the eighth grade. At the table sat Diane(laughing buddy), Vicky( my friend Kandace's sidekick), my "granny" (also known as Chelsea), Trania (she's always mean to everyone minus herself and Faith-- partners in crime.),Camille (an eighth grader no one liked),and Jalila -- the first person I've ever loved and the only girl I've liked.
"Yes," my voice cracked scared of what was to happen.
"We need to talk," she looked me in the eyes. I could read her like a book. This whole situation was tiresome. She also had a look of hesitation. She ran her hand through her hair and grumbled. This probably took nights from her. Not to mention she hadn't been eating and it killed me knowing I caused that on her.
She stood up and walked over to Ms. Humphrey. I walked only a few inches were between us. To distract myself I fiddled with my fingers.
These words slipped from Jalila's mouth," Ms. Humphrey I need to talk to Rose about something. Can we go to the hall to have privacy? "
"Ummm........yeah. You have only ten minutes though," Jalila connected our hands. This sent shivers down my spine. She pulled me to the hall and pinned me to the wall.
Then wall was really rough and uncomfortable. Not that I cared. The only thing that I cared for was the fact that she looked kinda mad. "So Laila, Kandace, and Munta have all told me that you--," I cut her off.
"I know what they told you," a cry was lodged in my throat. Tears threatened to come down. I held it in. She retreated off of me.
She ran her hand through her dark brown locks, yet again. I don't know how but I was sure of rejection. I slightly turned my head away as I slid down the wall, crouching. I built a "wall" before she talked again. I really hated this feeling. A tear slid down my face. She only knew I liked her not that I really, really loved her. I'd do anything for her.
She began talking again, " You see, Rose. It kills me that this will hurt you but I can't return the feelings you have for me. I'm not really stable enough to be in a relationship, " I turned away from her and my tears were threatening to fall. I held them in, I've never cried over anyone and I don't plan on starting now . she grabbed my shoulder, " C'mon don't turn away from me. Yo--" I pushed her hand away and hugged myself tightly. I started to sniffle keeping these tears from falling was becoming harder and harder. I told myself that it was simply a crush ,but when she said no it tore my heart into pieces, my soul was leaving and my happiness was slowly dying of the darkness that evaded the empty spot where my happiness once filled.
Jalila touched my shoulder. I put my head down. No, I can't look at her and not cry. She turned and pulled me into her arms. I hid my face in her chest. None of my friends knew I loved her but they knew I had a crush on her and had the guts to tell her.
Even if she rejected me I could never be mad at her. Besides before now we were only classmates and associates, so I understand her not returning my feelings...
"I can't return the feelings you have for you,but I'm very possessive over what's mine. We can't be in a relationship . maybe in the years to come just not right now. We can be really good friends," she stood up with me in her arms I wrapped my arms around her torso tighter.
I felt OK. Even though I just got rejected. I lifted my head. I wiped the tears that had just fallen from my eyes and shuffled away anymore to come. I fixed myself. Then painted a small smile on my face. As if I was the happiest person in the world. I perfected this look. I began," Oh it OK I wasn't trying to date now anyways. I'll be fine. I'm OK.," they were all lies.
I walked back to the lunch table dead in the middle of the room. I sat down and the room got quiet. I felt very uncomfortable. These kids at my school were nosey. Once Jalila walked in with her nonchalant altitude visible everyone went back to their conversations . While engaged in a convo of my own about how good certain food places were Kyla, Munta , and Kandace kept glancing at me with worried looks. Laila would too but then she'd turn around and Give Jalila a
' bitch what you do to my friend ' kinda look. If looks could kill Jalila would have been killed eight times then buried so low she could reach out to hell.
I faked laughed and pretended to be happy until lunch was over . When our forty five minutes of free time started. I ran away to the storage room in the gym. This strong feelings ran through me and the rejection played in my head ,then the look that she had when she reentered the room she looked so cool about how things went. I sniffles as a tear ran over my lip and dripped down off my chin. My face was COMPLETELY wet. How could one person make me feel like my life depends on them.
I heard a light knock on the door. I fixed my face and turned away from the door,"Go away. I don't want to be bothered, right now."
"Rose. Please can i come in," Laila's rung over the silence.
I couldn't let her see me like this. I've seen them break into millions of pieces ,but they have never seen me shed a tear. It was unheard of. The laugh'aholic being sad was just wrong. I fixed my face and adjusted my voice, "No,its OK, hun. I'm just texting my friend and I didn't want my phone to get taken. I'm coming in a sec." I perfected my lie.
"OK, " I heard her foot steps walk away from the door. I left the storage room straight to the gym. Some sniffles slipped out.
I walked to the gym teacher -- Mrs. McKinley. I was ready to say something but someone grabbed hold of my wrist. I was being whisped away and we stopped in the corridor, "What did she do to you? "
"Nobody did nothing. I'm OK just feel kinda sick. I'll be OK," I lied straight to her face.
"OK,if you say so," she said so.
I walked back to Mrs .McKinley ,"Mrs. McKinley, can I stay in your room,today...again. I'm not feeling good what so ever."
"I can call your parents."
"No,you can't. You know what happened last time. They don't like to be called in the middle of the day."
"OK , you can come to my office, when gym is done. Just get your things and talk to your teachers."
Mrs. McKinley was both our gym teacher, but also the Dean of our school. Only because of tight budget. She was the best at her job. She not only does that but she's like a Mom in a way. She took care of me when I was sick. She also gave me rides home and bought my breakfast and dinner, when I rode with her and her kids. Not only that she is also homosexual but is Catholic. She was the first person after my friends to figure out I was gay. But she has no idea who I like . but that's off subject.

I went and sat on a blue mat. I slowly spread across the mat. Images of my imagines of Jalila and I flooded through.
When I got home. I went to my room and found my scissors. I cut very close to my very important vein. This wasn't my first anxiety panic attack. As blood flowed down my arm. I got colder by the second. I just layed in my bed.
When I closed my eyes that night it seemed as if I would die that night because of my emotional detachedness or because of how much I love someone.