There's no going back [ Verkwan ]

There's no going back

He felt the water under his feet flowing to the ocean waves, crashing right behind him while the night breeze was caressing his face and messing his hair up. He could see the stars shining above his head and some ships sailing on the skyline. It was his favorite time of the day to be there, when everyone was gone and he could enjoy himself. However, something was wrong. For the first time in a while, the sea couldn't calm his thoughts. He was as uneasy as he felt when he got there. He couldn't help but keep thinking about what happened that morning.

How did he end up like that, avoiding everyone and hiding from his problems? At which point was the sea not enough to calm him if Vernon wasn't around? He couldn't recall the moment all of this started. When did their accomplice look become something else? When did his body started begging for more than just little caresses? Why was he willing to kiss his lips? At some point of their coexistence, Seungkwan stopped seeing him as a member and thinking about losing him was his greatest fear. He couldn't bear being next to Vernon as usual, but living without him wasn't an option. How could you run away from someone who's part of your own group? How could you stay with him not affecting anybody else?

-That's because you're too emotional, Boo Seungkwan -he told himself, sitting on the sand. Sighing, he hugged his legs and rested his head on his knees. He remained still with closed eyes, trying to take control over his thoughts. Why was it so difficult? Why couldn't he control his feelings the way Wonwoo did?

Seungkwan still remember what they talked. "Hyung, what do you do so anybody notices what you feel for Mingyu? Do you have a trick or something to hide your feelings?" He asked, desperate, looking through the window. "I'm not made of stone, Seungkwan" he smiled at him. "You're the only one who I've told what I feel, but the guys already suspect something. He's just absent-minded. It's not about how I hide what I feel. It's about how he hadn't noticed it yet." They hadn't talked about it again, work and the company blocked those few minutes when neither of them had to act as if everything was the same.

He sighed again, opening his eyes and looking up at the endless sea right in front of him. Why did he take leave of his senses? Why instead of facing his mistake he ran away not listening to anyone? He could listen to music coming from the house, their laughs and their voices... They all were enjoying one of these few free days since their debut days. After finishing the photoshoot for their upcoming album, they were allowed to enjoy a day off at the beach. However, while the boys were having fun, Seungkwan was hiding there, far from the bustle and his members.

-Hi.

-Hi -he answered looking at the skyline. There was no need to look back to guess who it was-. Wonwoo, I'm not gonna get back. Not yet.

-I know. I won't drag you in there. I just wanted to bring you some warm clothes, it's getting colder -he carefully wrapped him in a blanket, either forcing him to look at him or saying anything else. Wonwoo didn't need words to know what was going on his mind and since he understood him, he won't be the one dragging him back home-. Take the time you need and when you're done being here alone, come back. We'll be waiting for you.

-Thanks, hyung -was the only thing he could say, enough to make Wonwoo smile before going back to the house again.

Seungkwan hadn't noticed the cold weather, he didn't even noticed he was shivering until he felt the warm blanket on his shoulders. Had he already reached this point? Had he became the lovesick cliché who, hiding from anyone else, didn't feel anything around him anymore? Seungkwan never liked those clichés, he actually hated them but... why was he sitting on the sand wondering why Vernon hadn't came after him as the main character from a film would do? He acted as a fool, he was aware of it. There was no need to shout at him like that. It seemed fine if Vernon didn't want to see him again, not chasing after him seemed alright. Vernon should be angry at him, not worried.