Punk Direction (niall Horan Love Story)

Chapter 12

 

When I got to my home, I left the taxi and payed the man. He took a good look at my leg and then at my face.

“Are you sure you’re alright miss?” I nodded. Sure he could see I wasn’t.

Despite the fact that my leg is cut, my eyes are red, my hair was a messy mess and I was sobbing! For sure I was not alright!

“Take care of yourself okay?” I nodded again and he left

I limped till the door step, sitting in the stairs, or better throwing myself in the stairs and hugging my knees and crying and sobbing. The injury hurt more. I didn’t care, I deserved it! I deserved it, for everything that I’ve done to Niall! This is the second time he’s been injured because of me, and this time it’s not a joke. I squeezed more the injury, making more tears flown down my eyes.

I can’t believe that bastard marked me. He wrote with his name on me! I squeezed even tighter my thigh and looked up, my tears freely falling down my face. It was midnight, I could tell it was from the position I was, it hurt more and more… But I deserved it. There was a thing I was sure right now: the things I deserve and the things that I don’t. I’m absolutely sure I deserve the pain, but I’m sure I don’t deserve Niall.

I hurt him, I kicked him, I shouldn’t… I… I feel awful because of what I did.I shouldn’t have. Now he won’t even want to see my face again. I can’t… I don’t even want to see him break up with me. I can’t stand it.

After a few minutes looking at the sky, knowing deeply in my heart that the person I love would want to break up with me, probably tomorrow and the next day, I got up and walked inside the house, silently. My leg felt numb, but I still could feel the pain. I limped till my room and into the bathroom. I filled my bathtub with water and foam. My clothes got out of my body quickly and I got, with a little help from the towel hanger, into the bathtub. My bruises hurt immediately. They felt like they were burning under my flesh, hurting more and more. I deserved it, but it doesn’t mean I was liking it. Even so, I stood there, taking and absorbing all the pain I knew it was meant for me.

I started crying loudly. Thankfully to my closed door and the thick walls, my crying should look like a whispering to anyone out of my room. I started scratching my leg up and down. My nails weren’t that big because I bite them, but they were long enough to hurt me even more and more and more. I ran them over the cuts and let out a loud sobbing get out. I done it again, and again, and again. I deserved it, it was my fault, only mine and no one else’s fault… MINE!

I screamed loudly when my nails dove into the flesh. I couldn’t control myself from doing it since the pain was so strong. I stopped, took my fingers from my leg and took them to my face, crying and sobbing.

What are you doing with yourself Johanna? You’re going crazy! You will eventually, and everything because he WILL break up with you. What is this I feel in my heart? Why does it weight like, a thousand kilos? I have no idea why? What’s this and what’s happening to me?

Your heart is broken Johanna, that’s what’s happening. Shoot. I knew I shouldn’t get involved with him. I knew it was too dangerous, because, deep down, I knew it was going to be intense. I knew from the beginning it was going to be intense, but I chose to ignore it and go with it, I chose to fall in love. But I shouldn’t have. I should have known that everything that falls usually breaks. And that’s how I feel, broken.

I let my head rest back in the bathtub and cried, cried till I fell asleep, right there, in my bathroom.

**

A week has gone by since I woke up in that bathtub, since my flesh was cut coldblooded, since I have spoke to Niall. I saw him multiple times in front of my school, waiting to talk to me, probably to break up. He didn’t seem well. I could see his beard now, he let it grow, he had bruises all over his face and arms. It pained me to see him like this, but I couldn’t talk to him. If I did, our relationship could end up and my connection to him would have been gone.