Mental || Larry Stylinson AU

I lay in bed listening to my heart beats. I'm so scared. I'm scared of going tomorrow, or the next day... I'm just scared of living. I struggle to hold the tears back; but I manage. I don't want to remind myself of how weak I really am. But the proof is everywhere; my arms, my thighs. I squeeze my eyes shut and snuggle under the covers as I drift to sleep and escape into some place where I am in the middle of death and life.

Sleepless nights don't help much when you have exams, but there's not much I can do to be honest. It's not my fault that I have night mares, yet at the same time I feel like it is. I sigh as I crinkled up my sleeves in the palms of my hands and I lied them in my lap, not sure of what to do really as the teacher explained how important paying attention is. As she said that I seem to get lost in my stare, everything around me disappearing except of what's in side me; the real me. Images of what I've been called show up, things they've said start to echo in my mind and I can't seem to stop it as my breathing gets heavier and I feel sick, shaking un uncontrollably. This happens a lot, but I will never get used to it. I snap out of my daze as the teacher walks over to me and shakes me lightly. I quietly apologize as she smiles sweetly and goes back to the front and begins to talk again, but all eyes are on me. I shift un comfortably as the class went on.

After class ended the teacher called my name. I got up and walked to her, my hands pinned to my sides as I rock back and forth on my heels, waiting for her to speak, "Okay, Louis, you have the highest percentages in the class... and our new student, Harry, he's struggling, would you like to teach him some stuff, just till he understands it?" she turned to me, legs crossed, pencil skirt tucked under her legs, "I know you're not very social but it's just for a little." she lied a hand on my shoulder making me back away a bit. I don't want to but i'll feel rude if I say no.

I bite my lip and nod, "I'll do it..." I say quietly and bring a hand up to my mouth, the other tucked under it for support. She smiled and thanked me as she went to get Harry.

-

"So what are you going to help me with?" Harry ask as he walks beside me down the hall way, earning a few small laughs and weird looks from people. I look down at my shoes and play with my long sleeves, trying to ignore it.

"With literature." I say and gulp slightly and open my locker, making sure my sleeve didn't fall down. Harry just nods and waits for me so we can head to the library. I can honestly say I feel so awkward to have someone beside me, I'm not use to it. I don't like it.

-

"No, the boys name is Augustus Waters," I groan quietly and look at him, "What's so hard about remembering that?"I ask, my voice quiet like always. He just shrugs with an amused smile. I really hate him, not like I hate Zayn Malik, I just hate him. I hate how he's cheeky, playful, and talkative. It's quiet annoying.

"I know, I just like seeing you frustrated." He half smiles and crosses his arms in front of him. I only roll my eyes, staring down at my hands. He eye'd me for a while, like he's trying to figure something out, it made me feel weird. My breathing picked up a bit and he finally looked away.

"You don't talk much, do you?" He says quietly, in a more serious tone than before. I just shake my head, playing with my fingers. He scooted closer to me, making me scoot away.

"Please... don't..." I say, my voice weak. I like distance, it leaves me in my bubble and no one can touch me.

"Louis, what's wrong?" he asked, turning to face me. I shake my head and get up, grabbing my school bag and walking out before something I'd regret ends up leaving my mouth. Before I can break and pour every thing out that I've kept in. Before every secret I've had for so long to myself, escapes my sinful lips.

"Louis, don't do that, I was just asking." Harry runs after me. I just shake my head and turn away from him, my back facing him. He grabs my shoulder and turns me to him and I shake my head no again. I have no idea why I do, but for some reason, my mind thinks it's the right thing to do. He slowly lets go of my shoulder and makes eye contact with me for the first time. His eyes are really beautiful, they're bright and green, he looks happy. I sigh and look down shortly after.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Louis." He says and walks away, arm brushing against mine.