Just Another Mountain to Climb

       How could I have failed again?!, I thought to myself in childish frustration as the sun slowly set. Defeated, I collapsed onto the large boulder behind me, and watched the sun disappear in the distance, leaving nothing but a warm glow to light the sky. Despite the magnificence of God's creation, that was so evident at that moment, the beauty of it was quickly shadowed by the disappointment that filled me. I'd been pushing myself for weeks, training to finally reach the top of the mountain, and it seemed no matter how much I tried, I never made it before sun down.

       I was taught from a young age how important it was to do your best, to keep trying no matter the situation. But it was times like these when I questioned the fabric of such an ideal. What if my best wasn't good enough? How was it possible for a person to succeed, if such success was limited by one's own human capability? It was a conundrum, one I mulled over daily it seemed. Still pondering, I marched back down the cliff to my home, kicking rocks and dust up in the process. My feet still sore and slightly raw from the complicated afternoon climb. I lived in a small town on the outskirts of one of the country's major cities. It was not a very populated place, which, to me, made it all the more special.

       The grass parted in front of me, whooshing as I passed through it. My feet leaving it bent and squashed, unlike the other stems that were far enough from me that they wouldn't be caught in my destructive path. They stood still, green and healthy. Trees towered over me, but quickly became sparser as I reached the bottom of the mountain. From there I started down the dirt road home.

       "Hey, Bo." I said, pulling the thin wooden door shut behind me. The gray and black peppered hound only lifted his head in slight recognition. I chuckled. It was just me and Ol' Bo these days, my parents had passed away about five years ago, when I was fifteen. Before I had even taken my shoes off there was a knock at my door. I opened it and was met with the familiar face of Anna. "Good evening." I said letting her in. Her long graying hair was wind swept from the evening breeze, and a small smile lit up her face. "Good evening, Sarah." She said, in the warm tone her voice always possessed. "I saw you coming down the mountain and was wanting to ask if you made any progress today?" I grunted at that. When we first moved here, Anna welcomed us. More so than anyone. From the moment I met her, even at my young age, I saw a love in her eyes like that of my parents. A love that could only come through knowing what true love was. After my parents passed she helped me grow. She continuously showed me Christ, and taught me how to live for him. Now she was my only physical family.

       "I ran out of time again!" I said, exasperated, frustration renewed. "I don't know why I thought I would be able to complete a task like this. For weeks I have been fighting my way up the mountain, hoping that one day, finally, I will conquer it." Anna gently shook her head at me, and slowly made her way to the rocking chair next to the fire place. She'd taken the liberty of bringing it here shortly after I moved out of her home. "Dear child," she said, her voice soft, "why are you concerned?" I met her eyes, they were filled with love and a hint of sadness. Gently she continued, "You act as though this is the first mountain you have climbed." I moved to sit in the chair next to her, my brow creasing. "Anna, what do you mean? This is the first mountain that I have ever tried to climb."

       She took my hand in hers, her soft wrinkled skin familiar in my smooth one. "Not all mountains are physical ones. You have been through a pain that has left many broken hearted and hopeless, yet here you are. God has strengthened you. Through his healing power and unending love you overcame the pain and found rest in him. How is that any different from the physical mountain that stands before you?"

       Through all the years that I'd known her, God had used her to teach me lesson after lesson. It was like the parables that Jesus used to tell the crowds. He'd taught them in a way the people were able to understand. How many mountains had God helped me climb before? "When my parents died..." I started, looking at the floor, "I fell into a hole of sorts. I didn't understand how God could allow something as final as death to take my parents. So I was angry. Angry that they were gone, angry at God, and angry at myself. It was like no matter what I did, I was stuck in a place of loneliness and darkness, that I would never get myself out of." Tears slowly began leaking from my eyes, while the memories that I'd forgotten rose to the surface. The pressure of it was almost too much to bear, but a small smile made its way to my face through the pain. Not all of the memories had been bad. Anna squeezed my hand lightly, and I met her eyes once more. "Through all that you've been through, God has been there. He has loved you and strengthened you. It doesn't matter the situation," she smiled lightly," he will be there, holding your hand through it all."

       The next morning, I woke with a light heart and a deeper understanding of how amazing God truly is. Packing my things, I said goodbye to Bo and walked the dirt road to the bottom of the mountain. My hands slowly folded together as my feet came to a stop. I could clearly see the grassy path before me, that I'd left from the day before. A sense of peace filled me, and I raised my eyes to the peak. I could just barely see it's outline. A smile lit my face. Before taking another step, I closed my eyes, and prayed, God, I thank you for carrying me this far, and for loving me unconditionally. Continue to guide me God, and help me to rely on you, no matter what mountain may stand in my way. I love you Lord.

       Once again, like so many times before, I began the climb to the top. As a new determination filled me, I realized, this was just another mountain that I'd have to climb. One out of many that would stand in my way. And I was ready, because nothing was too big, or too impossible with God on my side.