The Stars are Holding You

Chapter Five

It was well past seven when I stumbled into the dimly lit hall of my home.

The whole day had been peaceful, my thighs ached from walking all over town then ending the day of with another gruelling run.

Whispers could be heard from the kitchen, I slowed my step and crept closer to eaves drop.

"I can't Geoffrey, you know that," my mothers voice spoke lowly.

I went to keep walking to my room thinking she was on the phone until an abrupt male voice made me stop.

"She's 18 years old for Christ sake Olivia! She's not a child."

I could hear my mothers gasp and could imagine her brow furrowing.

"She is a child!" she snapped.
"She is our child! Maybe if you stuck around for five minutes and actually acknowledged her existence you'd realise how fragile she is."

Her voice shook and I could tell tears were forming in her eyes.

"Calm down Liv. You know I love you and if things were different, then..."

"Well things aren't different!" Mum snapped. "I was stupid to fall in love with a man who can't accept me and our daughter because of society."

I heard her soft sobs for a few moments until her breathing evened out. My brow creased into a frown being reminded of how fucked up our family situation was.

I stood rooted to the spot, somehow unable to move and held my breath to keep listening.

"Don't ever say your stupid for loving me Liv, because that would make me incredibly stupid too."

I smiled softly to myself. No matter how incredibly messed  up our entire situation was I could never doubt the love my parents shared.

"Love breaks people," my mother whispered. "Look at Layla, she's a mess."

My smile dropped and my whole body tensed, craning my neck to listen closer.

"Jake," she began and I winced at the sound of his name, the familiar ache in my chest taking its hold.

"He was everything to her and the next minute he's just gone. No reasons or explanations. She was happy and bubbly and bright.. she had her whole future planned," she sighed, her voice was laced with sadness.

"Now she shuts everyone out. She ignores anything that could possibly make her feel something. She's just.... Numb. A shell of herself. Is that what love is Geoff? Something that leaves you so incredibly broken when it's gone?"

I let out a breath I didn't know I was still holding and slowly crept back towards the front door.

I didn't want to hear this anymore, I couldn't. For two years I put up with the whispers and glares of the small minded people in this town. I wasn't about to stick around and hear it from my own mother.

My chest felt tight and my heart was racing. I felt warmth on my cheeks from tears I didn't even know I shed.

When I felt the cool air hit my skin I knew what I needed. My feet thumped down the front steps and for the third time that day I ran.

I ran for what felt like hours, trying to push away my thoughts. I had it all planned out once upon a time. University, my career, my life.

Maybe mum was right. Maybe I was broken. Memories whirled around my head of my life. Birthdays, Christmases, meeting Jake, starting school.

I remember smiling and laughing, I remember it all but I don't remember what it feels like. To laugh, to love, to truly live.

I pumped my legs faster to try to feel alive, to feel anything at all. When nothing came I pushed harder, stumbling, then gaining my balance. My breathing was laboured and I felt like I was going faster than I ever had before. But this time it was different. The feeling that usually came with running never came.

I think of the point in my life and when it all turned to shit. The crash, the anxiety, the night terrors. God, his eyes. His beautiful blue lifeless-

"STOP!" I screamed at the memory. "MAKE IT STOP!"

I tripped on a loose branch and let myself fall to the ground, I didn't bother to try and steady myself.

A sob tore from my throat and I couldn't hold it back. I curled my knees into my chest wrapping my arms around them.

The tears wouldn't stop, the ache in my chest wouldn't leave. I was so tired. I was tired of feeling nothing but pain, of being known as the broken girl, I was just tired of it all.

"Just make it stop," I whispered through my tears.

"Make it stop. Just please..."

"Layla?" A voice whispered.

I unclasped my arm from my leg and reached toward the voice.

"Please make it stop," I whispered over and over.

"Oh my god, Layla!"

I heard footsteps, getting louder and louder. Then it all faded away and there was nothing but darkness, consuming me once again.

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