You Are My Sunshine--Joshler

3

"What's the point? What's the point in staying alive if you don't know why you're here in the first place?

You know maybe if we have a purpose and we have a reason to be here and we have a goal, what if we don't see it until it's time? But then again, what if your purpose is to just sit alone and think to yourself, "What's the point? Why am I here? I'm not going anywhere or doing anything for the better part of humanity, so why am I even on the earth?" But the most important thing that we have to see is that we're here for a reason. We're here because God put is here. We're here because he was thinking, "You're going to do this with your life. You'll go through some crap but you'll get there." And yeah, it's not easy. It's probably the hardest thing to deal with ever but you can get through it. You really can.

If you don't see your purpose now, you'll see it in the future. The future is basically where everything lies. You'll never know what it is but it'll get to you.

There are the good parts and the bad parts and the even worse parts but in the end they're all just gonna blow over and be stuck in the past. Sometimes at the back of our minds but that's okay. It's okay to remember. It's okay to feel like you let everyone down. Because maybe you did. Maybe you just got so tired of everything you just decided to give in and let everyone down. But maybe that's not the case. Maybe you decided to do the exact opposite. Maybe you decided to say "Hey, I got this. I don't have to give in. I don't have to sit around and follow everyone else's rules until I do it wrong and let them down. Maybe, just maybe, I can go about this thing called life my own way." And you know what? That's okay. Go your own way. Do your own thing. You can do whatever you want to if you set your mind to it.

Doubt is fear. Fear is everything. Fear is in every single emotion that exists. Weather it be love, hate, skepticism, or heck even fear. I say that because within fear, there's even more fear. There's the fear that you'll be scared of that one thing forever and then you'll be even more fearful of it. Essentially, doubt is basically when you think of something and you have the fear that it won't work out. You have the fear that it's wrong. You have the fear that it's not taking you anywhere. 

But that's okay. The fear is what drives us and that's good."

I sigh and read over the text I have typed. I post it on tumblr and remember last night. I remember the fact that Josh held me as I fell asleep(no 5sos references omg.), Brendon hummed a soft tune, putting me to sleep. 

After that, I woke up here. In my room, Brendon passed out beside me in my bed. I hadn't touched my phone all morning but I get a feeling that I should. I walk over to my nightstand, picking up my phone and unlocking it. It immediately opens to the "Notes" application. I sit on my bed and read it. 

"Tyler, you're probably confused or worried but, by the time you read this, I'll be at the police station again... I haven't done anything major. I just forgot to pay the fine on one of my tickets whoops. Anyway, your singing voice is amazing. Hopefully, if I can get them all in the same place without them screaming at one another, you could play for my family? You don't have to it's just an idea. Well, anyway, um.... don't frustrate your mum, don't wear inappropriate clothing, and no alcohol!-Josh"

I smile at the last little message. I hear the floorboards creaking outside of my room. My mum opens the door. 

"Tyler sweetheart, why was there a note on the table downstairs saying that Josh had been here?"

I run my eyes in attempt to make it look like I had just woken up.

"Mum, I-"

"No. Tyler. Brendon is passed out in your bed and Josh was here. Oh my god did he hurt you? What did he do to you Tyler."

"Clam down. He didn't hurt me. We all three went to the treehouse and I sang a song for Brendon and Josh. Then I fell asleep and Josh brought me back here."

She gave me a look of confusion and disbelief. 

"Mum. He's not a bad person. He's actually nice and gentle."

I look down remembering last night when he had wrapped his arm around my waist. I smiled. 

"Why are you smiling Tyler."

"No reason. Just a pleasant memory that's all."

"A pleasant memory containing Josh I presume?"

"Yeah..."

I smile wider as I remember when he had kissed my temple, resulting in my curling up in his lap and falling asleep. I don't realise my mum had walked over to me until I feel her shaking me. 

"Tyler. Look. No matter what nice things he does, he's not. He's at the police station right now for god knows what. Probably being hi-"

"No! He's there because he forgot to pay of fine of his tickets!"

"Tyler Robert Joseph! How dare you yell at me. And how do you know this?"

"I just have a hunch alright..."

By now, Brendon had woken up, his hair all messy. 

"Good morning sleeping beauty."

"Shut up..."

Ding. It's a dm from Josh. 

"Okay I'm back from the station. Tyler can I tell you something?"

"Sure go ahead."

"They put me on house arrest..."

"Oh no... Josh I'm so sorry..."

"I have to stay within a two mile radius of my house ugh."

"So you can still go to the treehouse?"

"Of course."

I smile. 

Maybe, Josh isn't so bad. 

Maybe, I'll see him in the treehouse later that night.