Letters

dear future self

dear future self, 

i don't know if you will ever see this, but i'm going to write this in the minor hopes that you do. you've probably changed a lot from the insecure tol bean writing this, and that's okay. it is. i love you, even if you don't. i hope you do. i really do. i'm sorry for not eating all of the time, and i'm sorry for the scars. i'm sorry. 

i hope you're okay. i hope you still love sunsets and you still make wishes on shooting stars. i hope you never stop believing in magic or 11:11, and i hope you've found more. maybe you've even found someone. maybe you haven't. 

did you cut your hair? i wouldn't, but maybe that's changed. 

can you apply makeup? 

do you still watch youtube, dan and phil, pj, frank, hannah? do you still ship phan? is it real? do you know? did frank and eva get married like they had planned? 

have you met them? probably not. 

are you still insecure? 

how is he doing? 

do you still love him?

does he love you?

how was high school? is it as bad as i think it is going to be?

did you dye anything, even though i've sworn i won't? did you get any piercings? tattoos that you secretly want but are too scared to get? 

have you ever kissed anyone?

did you ever kiss her?

did you move in with her, like you said you would?

do you still write? are you any good? 

are you a virgin? 

these questions are all stupid and random, but what can i say? i'm still an awkward emo teenager, are you? 

i've written a few of these before, and i've already read one. this one seems more important, simply because i understand things i never have before. i'm sure you understand even more now. 

so read this or don't. but stay true to yourself, even if you don't like who you are. stay happy and somewhat original, don't chase after him anymore than i do. he's not worth it, which i'm sure you already know. 

you are worth it. 

i love you, more than you ever know. 

love, mads :0