Date Night (Peterick)

Chapter 3

"Pete." Joe says as he blows the smoke of his cigarette. He knocks the ashes into the tray on the night stand, careful not to get any in the bed. He passes the cigarette to me and I repeat after him. Inhaling and exhaling.

"Yeah?" I asked as I watch the smoke rise to the ceiling.

"I think I love you." He says taking the cigarette back from me. He looks at me, searching for a hopeful response. I avoid his gaze for a long moment, not really knowing what to say. Him and I have never defined our relationship. Its mostly us ordering pizza and having sex late at night. I would consider him a friend, I would even go as far as to say that I care of him more than a friend, but I don't know if I love him. "I know.... How it sounds.... Crazy. I mean we aren't even really together. The only thing that keeps us near each other is sex, or at least it was a first, but I really think its grown into something else. I don't expect you to understand, I also don't expect you to feel the same, but I had to say it."

"Joe... You know that I don't think love exist. At least not for me." I said, rolling over in bed to finally loo at him.

"I do know. But I think that it will find you whether you believe it or not."

"I guess we will see." I said.

"I may not make you be able to feel love, but I can make you feel something." He said before throwing the blanket over him. I laugh at the dramatics of his statement, but moan at the implementation. I can feel his mouth and hands work in unison, and I may not be feeling love right now, but I swear to God, it's just as good.

*     *     *     *     *

"Patrick, do you believe in love?" I asked in the middle of our date. Joe's confession was still lingering on my mind, and I was curious as to how many people put their faith in love.

"Yes." He said after a moment of pondering the question.

"Have you ever been in love. And not mere infatuation, but actual love?" I asked

"No. I haven't" He said, not taking as long to answer this question as the last. "Have you?" Patrick turned the tables back on me. I looked at him for a moment as I thought about how to answer the question. I already knew the answer, but the wording often escapes me. He waits patiently as I sit and stare.

"One time, I thought I was in love, but I soon learned that love, like most of everything else, is conditional. In all my experience, people only love someone when it benefits them. That's not what love is supposed to be, but I didn't know that. For a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me, until I figured out that he never loved me, and I don't think I really loved him either looking back on it. I cared for him, but I wouldn't have gone the lengths of the world for him. Just as he wouldn't me, and he only kept me because I made him look good, and as soon as that wasn't the case anymore, he was gone." I had trouble looking Patrick in the eyes as I talked. I haven't opened up that much to anyone in a long time, and it was hard to open up, even to someone like Patrick.

"I'm sorry Pete." Is all he could say in response. I smiled at him thoughtfully because he didn't have to say anything else.

"It's okay." I said before silence took over.

"You wouldn't go the length of the world for him, because he wouldn't do the same for you. Not in spite of it. We give the same love that we receive. I like to think that there is something more than love like that, so I choose to believe it exist. I just haven't found it yet, and neither have you. No matter how cynical you are." He looked me in the eyes and smiled at the end, almost teasing me for my belief.

"I'm not cynical." I laughed. "I'm realistic."

"You're afraid." Patrick corrected.

"Oh?" My interest peaked.

"You're afraid of history repeating itself, so you hide behind 'realism' to keep yourself safe." 

"I'm not afraid. I'm guarded." I took a sip of my wine, hoping to deflect whatever point Patrick was trying to make.

"Well, one day, you will meet someone, and he will effortlessly sneak past your guard, and you won't even see it coming. He will be your one, the one great love that everyone gets, and you will love again, but truly this time."

Whether his words are true or not, whatever accuracy they hold, even if its all fantasy, his words made me warm inside and gave me hope that even I, despite whatever issues I may have, could possibly find love again. His words gave me hope that maybe my empty heart won't be so empty one day.

"Patrick..." I said smiling. "You're special." 

His eyes gleamed in response and his smile lit up the entire room. 

"You're special too, Pete. I just wish you could see it."

A/N Tbh, Folie A Deux is porbably my favorite album ever. I just can't get over that Pete wrote some of these songs about me.