Skinny

Chapter 5

Sorry it takes me a while to write chapters, I have to do them all on my phone. And I thought I'd be able to make this chapter longer but I had major writer's block. I'll be back on track for the next chapter :)

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    The mirror was my mortal enemy. Every time I looked at my reflection I wanted to throw up. I would stand there for minutes at a time picking at my fat and crying. I couldn't stand the way my legs looked. My thighs still touched and it was atrocious. They looked meaty and disgusting. I'd lift my arms and grab the extra flap of fat on my upper arms and squeeze tightly, hoping and praying it would go away. My cheeks looked too puffy and my stomach still curled when I sat down. I was a hideous monster.

------one week earlier------

    The first couple of days at school were awkward to say the least. My teachers were still getting used to the fact that I weighed so much less, and my peers still stared and made comments about how pretty I was. It was weird having all of this positive attention thrown my way. I was not used to it at all.

    The main thing that made me happy was the fact that I no longer felt so hot all the time. I was able to wear clothes that didn't make me burn up in unbearable heat, didn't sweat at the slightest movement, and my hair was able to stay straight throughout the whole day despite the humidity. I was living a completely different life than before. There were so many changes in my daily routine now. I was able to sleep in later because it didn't take me as long to pick out clothes, which was a major plus for my health. Sasha and I decided to walk to school now because it was always so nice out and the walk was only twenty minutes. When I got home I would finish up my homework, jog around the block a few times, and then go hang out with my friends. It was a nice change.

    I even got invited to a few parties, and one of them was in a few days. Sasha and I were going shopping to find new outfits at the mall. I hadn't been to a party in a while and was a little nervous, especially when Sasha started holding up dresses. I always vowed that I would never be a dress person. I just couldn't see myself looking good in them. I shook my head at her when she held up a blue and black one, and she pouted.

"Come on, Kylie! Just try it on! Pleeeeease!" She said, dragging out the 'e'.

I sighed. "I won't look good in it."

Rolling her eyes playfully, she grabbed my hand and led me to a mirror, then put the dress in front of me. "Come on, you would look so good in this. Trust me."

Despite my protests, I knew Sasha wouldn't give up. I hesitantly took the dress at her and gave her a look. "Fine, but this is the only one I'm trying on." I told her before disappearing into the fitting room.

I stripped out of my clothes and slowly slipped the strapless dress on. The zipper was on the side so it was convenient. When I had it all zipped up and fitted right, I looked into the mirror and took it in. It was a short dress that landed well before my knees. The stripes of black went diagonal and were actually lace instead of a solid color. The blue was solid and the stripes continued until the bottom of the dress. It looked pretty decent on me, which was something I thought I'd never think.

"Come out so I can see!" I heard Sasha say behind the door.

I sighed a heavy, sarcastic sigh and opened the door. A gasp escaped Sasha's lips as she scanned my body with her eyes. "Damn girl! You look fine as hell!" She said with a giant smile on her face. "You have to get it! Please!" She begged, then looked back up at me.

I turned back to the mirror and gave the dress one more look. It seemed to hug my body quite nicely and my dark hair matched it perfectly. "Fine, I'll get it."

"Yay!" Sasha squealed and clapped her hands together.

We shopped for about thirty more minutes for her outfit. She ended up getting a single strap pink dress that was the same length as mine. We didn't need to shop for heels because we had plenty at home, so after we got her dress we headed back.

The rest of the week flew by and it was soon Friday night. The sun was down and stars lit up the sky as I pulled on my dress and slipped on my black heels. I had put a few curls in my hair earlier and put hairspray on them so they would stay. Sasha was going to be at my house any second so I quickly grabbed my bag and headed downstairs. My parents were sitting in the living room and when they heard me coming they looked up at me. A smile instantly grew on my mother's face. "You look absolutely beautiful." She told me.

I blushed a little and smiled. "Thanks, mom." I said, just before my text time went off.

I checked the text and it was from Sasha, telling me that she was here. I said goodbye to my parents then walked outside and into her car. The party we were going to was more like a senior social gathering. Everyone was to dress nice and just have fun. Only seniors were allowed and there was even a guest list. Robbie was invited but he decided to sit this one out to hang out with his friends.

The drive was about thirty minutes long and in a different town. When we pulled up to the house my jaw hung open in awe. It was giant and plastered up on a hill with a long driveway connecting to a four car garage. Dozens of cars aligned the street in front of it. The lights inside shone through the darkness of the night and the huge glass windows revealed several people dancing, talking, and drinking. We parked the car a little ways down the street and headed towards the house. There was a man standing in front f the door with a clipboard in his hands. He asked for our names and then kindly let us through.

I was stunned by the exquisite furniture and paintings that hung on the wall. The hardwood floors gave a nice look and texture to the white walls and the pendent lights that hung nicely from the ceiling. The chatter filled my ears as we walked through the house. There were many people we knew all dressed up with drinks in their hands. I hadn't really been much of a drinker, and now I was a little against it because of the calorie count, but decided that a few beers wouldn't hurt.

Sasha and I both grabbed a Miller Lite and leaned our backs against the wall in the living room. "This is pretty sweet." She said and I nodded.

"Yeah, I haven't been to a party like this before." I told her.

"Neither ha--"

"Hey, ladies" A familiar voice cut off Sasha and we both turned our heads to see Mac.

"Hey." I heard Sasha say, but I just glared at him.

He turned his head towards me and smiled. "So Kylie, can I talk to you for a minute?" He asked.

"About?"

"Alone?"

I turned towards Sasha and she nudged me. "I'll be fine."

I sighed. "Fine."

I followed him through the kitchen and out the back door. Not too many people were out there as we took a seat on the bench swing. We rocked back and forth for a few seconds not saying anything. I was a bit confused on why he wanted to talk to me. "So Kylie, how was your summer?" He asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Good." Was all I said.

There was another pause of awkward silence before he spoke again. "I was wondering if maybe we could hang out sometime? You know, just you and me."

I looked at him in disbelief. Here was the guy who tormented me most of my high school life, and now he wanted to go on a date? This had to be some sick joke. "Do you really think that after all of the crap you put me through, I'd want to go on a date with you?" I asked, a little stunned that I had actually said that to him.

I was furious though. Mac and all of his little football buddies had been my main source of pain throughout high school. They all thought it was funny to gang up and pick on the fat girl just because they felt it was okay. But now that I was thinner, he felt it was acceptable to actually ask me out? Was he crazy?

"Listen, I know things between us haven't been great and all, but I mean, you're pretty cute now. I don't think you'll be getting fat again. Just give me a chance."

My eyes widened at his comment and I quickly stood up. "I am never going to give you a chance." I said.

I left him there with no response. When I walked back into the house, Sasha was in the kitchen grabbing another beer. "What did he say?" She asked when she saw me.

I shook my head. "It's nothing." I said before leading my back against the counter.

A bag of Doritos caught my eye that was laying on the table. Food had always been my main source of comfort, especially the junk kind. During the summer I never really had much to worry about. There was no one around to make me feel bad, no stress, nothing negative. Now that I was back in school though, things were much different. I was feeling more stressed than ever, and the minute long talk I just had with Mac wasn't making things better.

It had been such a long time since I had even touched junk food. The simple thought of what it may taste like began the cravings. I quickly grabbed the bag of chips and stuffed one in my mouth, devouring it in just one bite. The chip tasted so good and so fresh that I couldn't help but eat another, and another, until almost twenty pieces were stuffed down my throat.

"Whoa there, it's like you're starving." Sasha said and laughed.

I looked over to her and shook my head. "You have no idea how long it's been. They taste so good." I told her and stuffed more into my mouth.

A few girls that I recognized that were on the cheerleading team shuffled into the kitchen and over to the fridge. They reached for drinks and were about to head out when one of them looked over to me. "I knew you wouldn't be able to handle it. Look at you, scarfing down those chips like they're your last meal. Looks like you've already packed on some pounds."

I stared at at the girl named Melanie, completely dumbstruck, as she laughed and left the room with her friends, then down to the bag of chips that I was holding. I went from happy to disgusted in just a few seconds right before I slammed the bag of chips back on the counter "I want to go home." I said softly to Sasha as I began walking out of the kitchen.

I glanced over at Melanie and her few friends. They were staring at me like they had just won a fight and were given a giant gold trophy. "Aw you finally put them down? Good job. Don't forget the beer you had." I heard Melanie say.

A few girls were giggling at the comment and even a couple others as I walked by, and I couldn't help but feel like everyone knew. I quickly walked out of the house and nearly sprinted for Sasha's car. Thankfully she was right behind me and unlocked it so I was able to get in.

I could feel tears well up in my eyes but I quickly pushed them back. I didn't need Sasha seeing how hurt I was or else she would think something was seriously up. When she got into the car, she started it and began driving. It made me feel a little calmer when she didn't say anything.

I looked down to my stomach and felt the disgust rolling through me. The dress no longer seemed to fit me perfectly, instead it looked as if I had gained ten pounds and my fat was bulging out. Melanie had been right. Picking up those chips had been the worst decision I had ever made. Now I was going to have to get rid of the fat. I had to burn the countless number of calories that resided in my stomach. I wanted to throw up at the thought of digesting such a disgusting food. The sweet taste of Doritos no longer lingered in my mouth, but the bitter taste of fat and humiliation.

And Mac, I couldn't believe what he had said. He only wanted to go on a date with me because I was thin. He was a complete jerk, but he was right about one thing. I wasn't going to be fat again, no matter how much time I had to spend to make sure that didn't happen.

Why were their words all of a sudden hurting me? Usually I was able to ignore them and go on with my day, but now I couldn't. I just couldn't stop replaying what they had said over and over in my head. If a couple of people had thought it, then maybe more were thinking it? Maybe other people made fun of me behind my back? I was starting to get extremely paranoid and I didn't like it.

My thoughts were consumed with how horrible I was throughout the whole car ride to my house. Once we arrived, I opened the door to get out but Sasha grabbed my arm. "Kylie, are you gonna be okay?" She asked, obvious concern in her voice.

I thought about telling her the truth, about how I felt terrible and just wanted to crawl under a rock, but decided against it. "Yeah." Was all I said before getting out of the car.

She drove away and I quickly ran into my house. Thankfully everyone was asleep, so I rushed into my room and ripped the dress off. I then opened my drawers and found a pair of yoga pants and then a pink shirt. After putting them on I slipped on my running shoes and headed out.

My feet slammed against the pavement as I ran down my street. It was dark and no one was out, but I felt like it was perfect. I didn't want anyone to see me running, especially after I had just devoured several chips. What was I thinking? I knew they were bad for me, I knew once I started eating them I wouldn't stop at just one, so why had I gone back? I had other ways to comfort myself, food was unacceptable. I had lost control, but that wasn't an excuse.

I could go ten times harder. I would show Melanie and her little posse that she was wrong. I would show everyone. They had no idea what I was capable of. They had no idea how much will power I had and how much determination lied within me. They would know they were wrong and feel so regretful about it. I could control my weight. I could control everything about me.

As I jogged around the block I could feel the sweat trickle down my forehead. Sweating meant burning calories, so I was fine with it. I went around the block five times before I went back to my house. When I got inside I rushed up to the bathroom and turned on my scale. I was still the same weight. Sighing, I stepped off and walked into my room. My phone was lying on the bed when I picked it up to check if I had any missed calls or texts. There was three missed calls from Sasha, so I called her back.

"Hello?" She asked when she answered.

"Hey you called?" I asked,

"Yeah um, I just saw you jogging. You should ignore those things Melanie said. She's stupid anyway." She told me.

I sighed and plopped down on my bed. "I'm fine, Sasha. You don't need to worry about me."

"Yeah well I do worry. I mean, even Robbie sa--"

"Robbie's been saying something? Don't listen to him he thinks something's wrong with me, but I'm fine! No one believes me!" I said before hanging up on her and throwing my phone at my pillow.

I ran my fingers through my hair and shook my head. I didn't need people talking about me. I didn't need people worrying about me. I was fine. The only thing that was wrong with me was the fact that I was fat. Those stupid chips would settle in my stomach and make me huge. Why couldn't I had just put them down and walked away? I felt so stupid.

I made a mental note to myself to never do that again. I got up off of my bed and went to my full body mirror and examined my appearance. Grabbing my stomach. I bit down on my lip and cursed at myself. I did look bigger. Every body part looked like it had gotten more plump. I felt like a failure. All of the hard work I had put in to make sure I lose weight was going all downhill. I needed to do something about it.

I walked over to my desk and grabbed my journal. I then began jotting new ideas down and ways to avoid eating junk food. I then wrote myself a little note.

'If you think about eating junk or even going a day without exercising, thing again. Think about all the people who are going to make fun of you and all of the insults you'll have to deal with again. You don't want that, do you? No. You can make sure that doesn't happen. You can make yourself happy. It's simple: exercise, and stay away from the fatty foods. Maybe even cut lunch in half. You're already eating too much as it is. Remember how you looked. Remember the fat bulging out of you jeans and your sleeves. Don't be like that again. You looked absolutely disgusting.'