Highest Rank: #58 in Werewolf
"Most species bare their teeth as a threat, as a display of aggression. It's a reminder that these clenched jaws can and will open your yielding throat. I want you to remember this the next time I smile."
...
"Let It hurt Let it bleed Let it heal And let it go."
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As I rouse from a heavy slumber I am first aware of the coolness of the air and it's loamy fragrance. The ground is lumpy as if I were on a bed of earth and rocks. My clothes feel as damp as a flower in the dew of the dawn. I half wonder if I'm still dreaming as I sit up to take in the shafts of light that burst through the gaps in the leaf canopy above. Now I'm awake, perhaps more fully awake than I've ever been. There are no paths around me and no sign of another person. As far as I can tell I am alone with the birds who make their carefree song around me, and in that sweet melody I feel more alone. This bizarre nightmare is mine alone. It's worse though than it first appears, usually after this point in waking I know who I am, and I don't. I can't think of a name that belongs to me or a single person I know. Any face my subconscious offers has as much resonance as a total stranger. I wouldn't know my own mother if she walked right in front of me, if I have one that is.
Suddenly, there was a girl in front of me, her hair was as waves of pure earth, softly reflecting the light of the sun; each strand moving freely in an ocean born breeze, a compliment to her stillness. With eyes of river waters, in glossy serenity, her aura seeped into the summer air between us. And in that moment, in that fraction of time, her smile was in every God given feature, and I recognised her, from where I had no clue. She felt like home.
"Cassidy." The girl had a voice that was like music under a summer breeze, almost lost against the noise of the birds in the trees. Yet somehow it took hold of me, making me want to listen all the more. "Don't tell me you've forgotten who I am. You know me, don't you?"
"I-I can't r-remember. Where even am I? Please, can you help me?"
"Oh, Cassidy." The girl sighed and began to walk away, "Have you really no idea who I am?" She looked disappointed yet I could't work out why. I could only shake my head. "You can't remember the girl who saved your life on many occasions, yet couldn't save her when she needed saving? Does that girl mean so little to you?"
I fell to my knees in front of her, my hands reaching out to grab her leg. "P-please help me, I don't know." I cried.
"There you go again, begging me to save you." She sneered at me as if I was a bug under her shoe. "Why don't you save yourself for a change, It's what you made me do." And with that, she turned and walked away, causing me to fall to the cold, hard ground in defeat. As I watched her figure disappear into the distance, the scenery around me started to fade away into nothing until it turned into a darkness that pinned me to the ground, the weight crushing my bones. I couldn't move a single muscle, I couldn't even open my eyes. I felt myself begin to panic; my breathing increased and my heart was hammering against my chest as if it was trying to hammer its way out of my ribs and run away. A voice suddenly made its way into my head, a female voice that shouted at me to calm down and breathe. She was worried and trying to stay calm and it suddenly occurred to me that it was ruby; my wolf. I could hear a male voice in the background, it was telling me to 'wake up' and that 'it was just a dream.'
Everything came back to me a once, Blake, Claire and the pack. And then, the girl.
My eyes shot open, my body propelled itself into a sitting position. Tears streamed down my cheeks in the millions as I replayed the moment that ruined my life over and over and over again. I could hear the screams, the piercing scream that broke my heart and everything around it. Her eyes, oh God her eyes, they pleaded with me to save her, to get her away from it all. And finally, the blood. There was blood everywhere, it coated everything. I had held my hand to the cut, but no matter the pressure I applied the blood had still gushed between my fingers and oozed under my hand. It had spread into Her rain-damp t-shirt, the bright red quickly darkening, taking on a brownish hue. Those moments I spent pleading with Her to look at me, to stay with me, feeling the very fluid of Her life drain away over my cold hands, I felt nothing at all. Time itself had become irrelevant; the seconds could have been hours, or hours mere seconds. In that suspended moment I was the eye of my own storm; but for that moment of perfect calm and mental clarity, I paid over and over in the years to come. Every quiet moment was spent watching Her die again, playing the "what if" game until I surrendered my mind to the night.
"Cassidy, can you hear me?" I heard Blake ask, his eyes frantically searching for any injuries on my body. But the wounds he was looking for weren't visible to the naked eye.
"I'm fine." Was all I could say.
I couldn't tell if Blake had left the room or not, I was too busy staring at my hands, watching the blood trickle off them. Then, I felt arms wrap around me and pull me into a warm chest, pulling me back into a lying position on the bed. Blake didn't say a word, only kept me at his side, his fingers tracing patterns on my bare skin. My mind concentrated on his rhythmic heartbeat and the sparks irrupting where our skin touched.
"When you're ready to talk, I'll be here to listen." Blake whispered and placed a light kiss on my forehead, snuggling back into my body.
