Chemistry and Poetry

Constant loop (2017)

I'm in a constant loop of on and off,

Over and over,

I let my stress eat away at my happiness,

Smiles become rarer,

It becomes hard to breathe,

So I try and relax,I watch a video,

I play a game,

I take my mind off the burdens of life,

Off the problems I face beyond the warm creak of my bedroom door,

I smile at something,

I feel the air return to my lungs,

I feel the wells in my eyes go dry,

Then the sound of my parents pulls me out,

My only interactions with them are nocturnal,

And consist mainly of the questions I try and distract myself from,

"Are you looking at colleges?",

Yes, but I still don't know where to look,

"Are you looking for a job?",

Yes, I just need to look harder,

"What do you contribute to this household",

Nothing, I am a lazy freeloader,

"Where are you sleeping on the 23rd of February?",

Ouch,I know I can be rude and depressing,

But that really hurts,

Eventually I remove myself,

I do my nightly chore,

And I escape,

But nights of crying and singing alone in my room,

Can only do so much,

Im not as strong as I fake,

A tear here and there isn't out of character I admit,

But that's only to let off some of the pressure building behind my eyes,

I somthing Ill regret in an hour,

But at the time feels logical,

I apologise to somebody who actually cares,

I'm good at ridding myself of people who don't care,

I put to much pressure on those who do,

I sip tea until a meloncholy washes over me,

I crawl in bed and hear something tap my door,

A ladybug,A sick ladybug with green fungi attached to it's side,

It was blind and dieing,

I put it outside,

No need to let it die in such a foreign place,

just like the ladybug im blind to whats ahead,

The future is obscured,

No bright tunnels,

Just a blindfold,

As I trip into the future.