Thoughts.

round 2

I can feel my depression seeping back into me like a fucking black ooze.
I honestly don't think I can handle this. I cant do anymore of this. I need to be strong but I've been doing this for too long and the thought of going through this fucking cycle again is the most scary thing I've thought for a while.
I honestly don't think i can handle doing it again.
I can feel the weight coming back to my chest, and I can feel my hands getting shaky and weak and it's terrifying
I need to be strong for my mom because she's already dealing with so fucking much, there's no way she'll be able to handle me getting depressed again
I need to be strong for my baby brother Samuel because his dad just tried to kill himself and is in the hospital, and my brother hasn't seen him in a month
I need to be strong for my dad, because his work is pushing him to his fucking limits and he's losing his shit and going back to drinking
And I need to be strong for her. Because she...means so much to me. And she already has so many of her own problems to deal with and I don't want to strain her even more but I don't know where the fuck to turn and I'm seriously darting to lose it and I'm starting to be afraid of myself again and I told myself I would never go back to that but I don't know what the fuck to do anymore! I CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS. I just can't... no one sees this. No one knows what I'm going through because I'm being strong for them all and keeping this all to myself but it's starting to seep out and I don't know what to do....I honestly don't...