Gravity Falls One Shots

depressed!dipper makes a deal

this isnt in any way meant to be good it's just kinda cathartic for me

mabel: DIPPER DIPPER DIPPER DIPPER GUESS WHAT!!

dipper: *sigh* what?
mabel: no, silly! you have to guess!!
dipper: mabel, i don't want to guess.
mabel: what?? why????? just this once! please!
mabel: take a crack at it huh?
dipper: why can't you just tell me?
mabel: UGH you haven't been the same since we left gravity falls.
mabel: speaking of which...
mabel: mom and dad are sending us back this summer!!!
dipper: really?
mabel: yeah!! i just overheard them talking about all the logisticy thingys.
dipper: cool.
mabel: that's it? "cool?"
mabel: dipper, i thought you'd be more excited...
dipper: no, i am. i love gravity falls.
mabel: hey, look at me.
dipper: what?
mabel: what happened to you? you used to be so... so much more you!! and now, you're just, i don't know, BLEGH.
dipper: i'm perfectly fine, mabel. see? *dipper pulls his eyelids down, exposing his full pupil* it's me. plain old dipper.
mabel: that's not what i mean!! dipper, bills gone. he's dead. ka-blamo, no more! plain old dipper just... isn't dipper anymore. you've lost something.
dipper: *uninterested* i don't know what you're talking about.
//as dipper reaches over for a pen mabel spots something//
mabel: *worriedly* dipper? what's that?
dipper: *subtly but purposefully snaps his hand back* hm?
mabel: that! *she grabs his arm*
dipper: hey! let go of me! mabel! what's wrong with you?
mabel: dipper... what're all these scratches?
dipper: oh, those? yeah your cat was having a bad day and i didn't respect her highness's personal space.
mabel: dipper, tell me the truth
//dipper averts his gaze//
mabel: ...please...
dipper: ok! so maybe it hasn't been the best since we got back... you wouldn't really get it, mabel...
mabel: ok, w-well maybe, maybe things will get better once we're back with grunkle stan and grunkle ford!
dipper: *unenthused* maybe.

//not even gonna try for the smallish time skip i'm only here for the chat logs//

mabel: *bursts through the door to the mystery shack. quite literally* LOOK OUT GRAVITY FALLS!! THE MYSTERY TWINS ARE BACK!
dipper: *embarrassed* ugh, mabel!
stan: so, you've come crawling back to work for me eh?
stan: i'm just kidding- get over here you gremlins! *stan seems genuinely happy to see them, though he doesn't want to show it and hugs them tightly* ok that's enough get off me weirdos.
ford: *walking in from the other room* stanley? what's all the ruckus abou-
mabel: GRUNKLE FORD!!!! *she runs over and hugs him, refusing to let go*
ford: kids! *actually willing to show his excitement* stanley, you didn't tell me they were coming!
dipper: *looking at stan* you didn't tell great uncle ford we were coming?
ford: dipper! my boy! *ford goes over and hugs a continuously emotionless dipper*
dipper: hey great uncle ford.
stan: oh, well, uh, i wanted it to be a surprise. yknow.
mabel: what's happened since we've been gone? anymore mysteries? DID SOOS AND MELODY GET MARRIED??
stan: whoa whoa, slow down there kiddo. c'mon, i'll tell you all the boring details. *stan ushers mabel and ford to the living room to continue their conversation*
//dipper moves to the attic//

dipper: *to gompers* well, nice to see you're back where you started.

//gompers makes that weird goat noise stfu this isnt that serious even tho it kinda is but it isnt//

dipper: *sigh*

dipper: i think im just gonna take a nap...

//dipper pushes gompers off his bed and throws himself down on it, passing out instantly//

//WHhowoooaoOOSOwowOWOOWOowowoOWOWOWWWWOOo dReamLANd//

??: aha ha ha ha ha ha

dipper: what the-? 

??: aahahahahahhahhaha!