Whole in the wall

#1

I woke up and slowly turned towards my alarm clock that sat on an old, thrifted, oak nightstand. 4:00 am. Looking away from the bright light emanating from the clock, I turned to the window that was slightly open allowing the sound of the city to join the moon light that cast its columns of white through the blinds onto the end of my bed. Soft honking, a few alarms, and the sound of gushing wind from driving cars filled my ears.

The morning is my favorite time of day because it is so peaceful. My mind hadn't fully awakened yet and my body felt light laying on the soft sheets of the bed. I felt good about myself in the morning, something that hardly happens during the day.

I got up a padded my way out of the room through the small hallway which connected to the rest of the apartment consisting of a small living room, a kitchen also lesser in size and a bathroom that needed repairs. Walking into the kitchen, I grabbed a mug which rested on the middle shelf of the left cabinet and set it down on the right side of the counter, hearing the soft clink it made against the stone, one. I grabbed the milk and let about a table spoon into the mug and proceeded to tap the mug twice on the side. I set the jug down and put the cap on it, tapping it three times on the top before placing it back in the fridge.  I poured the freshly brewed coffee into the cup and set the small pot back into the maker hearing the soft click of it settling in place. I walked to the couch and set my cup on the coaster that sat on the coffee table in front of me. Slowly unfolding a blanket  I snuggled into the cushions and grabbed my phone which had been resting in my sweater pocket. Grabbing the coffee cup and taking the first sip, I stayed till five thirsty mindlessly scrolling through posts and reading articles popping up in my twitter feed. So far the day had gone well and no spirals had begun or continued. 

---Time Skip---

I walked to work making sure I only stepped on every third crack in the side walk and counted to sixty every time I came to a crosswalk with bustling cars before weaving my way across the busy street to the bus stop. For some, this routine sounds exhausting but doing it every day for years it gets faster and soon it is simply the way my feet move and no longer under my conscious control, like breathing when you sleep, I simply don't notice my rhythmed walk and counting.

I worked in a hipster-like coffee shop which is nice since most people there were relatively chill and didn't mind me changing the layout of the tables every few days or rearranging the shelves when I was stressed. I loved working in the shop; getting into the rhythm of making the lattes and teas and checking things off on my order list somehow calmed me even during the morning rush. 

My work schedule involved working Monday through Thursday with Friday through Sunday off. My shifts usually started at 7 and ended late afternoon, although sometimes I took an extra shift till closing hour for the money or when it was particularly busy.  When I didn't work I was either at school, spending time alone at a book store or wandering around down town. I was in my last year and only had three classes left that I took at night.

I had a routine life which I liked. I wanted more but I will never be able to get it. I thought I was good with people but the people I was with were either strangers or friends I have known for almost my entire life who understand me and deal with my abnormal habits. If anyone else entered my life I pushed them out sooner or later so I've just gotten into the habit of not letting them in before I hurt them.

(AN:) Hey, sooo I've never written or published anything on wattpad so I thought I may as well try. Since this is my first story expect some errors and writing mistakes and feel free to comment letting me know whats wrong (be nice (: plz). Recently my therapist suggested trying to write down my thoughts in hopes of understanding what is happening up there in my brain, so why not make a book out of it (:  I hope you enjoy.