How to Lose your Best Friend

♡XIX♡

Eagle

I had a feeling that Blair wouldn't be able to handle us dating. I knew that he'd crack but I didn't think that it'd happen this soon. It had been a little less than 24 hours and he was already breaking up with me.

"I don't think we should do this," are the exact words that he used. I wasn't sure if he wanted my opinion on the situation so I kept quiet. I decided that it'd be better to feel out where he was going with this.

"Why not?" I asked trying to sound more curious than upset. Sure I wasn't too thrilled about dating Blair but once the idea kicked in, it all seemed to hit me. Part of me wanted everything to work out and we could just be together but as the conversation continued it became highly unlikely.

The reason he shoved down my throat for why we couldn't date was that his mom said we shouldn't. He said that she told him her experience in dating her best friend and how horrible it was and how he didn't want to make the same mistakes.

He said that "It would ruin our friendship," and that "he didn't want to hurt my feelings," and then he asked if I was okay. The whole situation was screwed up. He was scared that we'd break up. I knew from the start of this that, that was his biggest fear. I knew Blair and I knew that his emotions couldn't handle us dating. I knew that it would end like this but a small part of me hoped that it wouldn't. He says that he's scared that we'll break up and not be friends anymore. But, when he plays games like this making it seem like he likes me then asking if we should date just to call it off isn't okay.

I still wasn't entirely sure if Blair even liked me. All signs pointed in that direction but I still wasn't sure if it was all in my mind. Was I showing signs of liking him? I didn't think I liked him in that way. Could I have been showing signs that I didn't even know of?  Was he only pulling moves because he thought I wanted to be together? I had no idea what he was thinking and I knew better than asking.

He talks about the situation as if I was the one who made the moves on him. As if I was the one who kissed him and asked him out. Sure I never stopped him from doing those things but he was the one who went in on them. I would never have done them on my own. Why did he have to make it seem like everything was my fault? Asking if I'm okay makes it sound as if I'm the one who's crying over a boy who just broke up with me when it's nothing like that. We never really dated and this isn't really a breakup but the way he words everything makes it seem so bad. When he says that we should just be friends it's like dude we are friends. At least that's what I thought before he started this whole thing.

I asked if he was okay before we left and he told me "yeah I'm fine. I'm a man I don't cry." It's hard to believe that when he refused to look me in the eyes. He began to walk away and as he turned to leave I was able to catch the smallest glimpse of his watery eyes.

As we left neither of us looked back at each other. At least I didn't look back at him. This wasn't okay, nothing was. I wouldn't say I caught feelings. I mean it was one day, how could I? I had no clue if Blair had caught feelings but I knew he'd never tell me anyways. While I had no idea what he was thinking I knew that he was bottling up all of his emotions. It's bad to hold your feelings in because when you don't let them out they build up to the point you can't take it. You'll get mad or you'll cry every night wondering what you could've done so everything would be okay. Everyone does it and it's okay. I just wish he could tell me how he really felt because I could never find the point of hiding them with such a hard to crack lock.

I talk about this as if I let him know exactly how I felt and he didn't say anything back. Sure I didn't tell him how I felt about the whole situation but that's because I didn't even know how I felt. My best friend asked me out only to break up with me in less than a day. There are so many emotions that run through your mind during those 24 hours that it's hard to pinpoint exactly which one you felt.