The Color Diary

Blue

I am in love with the color blue. Blue is for the oceans, bright eyes, and an even brighter morning sky. Blue is for when you're feeling relaxed, blue is for when you're feeling sad, blue is for when you're feeling creative. It is the color of a lullaby and a warm blanket. It is the color of intelligent thought peeking through the windows of the soul in the eyes of your body. One day I woke up not feeling anything but the color blue, I pulled my blanket closer and held my eyes onto my brilliantly blue walls, as if they were going to disappear.

Chapter 1- September 15, 2000

Today was a nice day. I walked home from school and everything just seemed so light. I couldn't wipe my smile off my face. If only every day could be like today. Although it's still the beginning of the school year, everyone seemed at ease, ready to go about their day. Even the teachers seemed happier and excited. My friends and I drove to the beach, we blasted music the whole way there, and when we finally arrived the weather wasn't too hot or too cold. We played volleyball, splashed around a little bit. Larissa got super upset when her hair got wet, she made a huge deal about it and when I told her she was acting like a baby, she flipped out. We almost left the beach because of how she was acting, but eventually Meghan calmed her down.

On the drive back, some cute guys drove by us and messed with us. I personally thought it was annoying, but I'm not gonna lie. There was this one guy that I personally believed was super cute. Nothing about him was spectacular, but it was the way he seemed quiet in a nice way. Meghan thinks he's lame, and that I'm lame for thinking he's cute. But, then again, I was the only one who went home with a number. So, I think I win, even though I don't plan on ever reaching out to him. Even I'm not that dumb, or desperate for that matter.

Anyway, other than that I'm somewhat nervous. I have two tests tomorrow, and although both my Trig teacher and my Latin teacher promise the tests are easy, I'm still nervous. I know there's going to be someone who's gonna treat it like it's some competition, and goes super fast (that person pisses me off so much), or is gonna get a perfect score without even trying, and then there's gonna be me: going super slow on every problem, constantly fidgeting, and being the last one to finish. You know how there's always that one kid that takes forever on tests and then no one's able to talk until class is basically over? That's me.

Not only do I have two tests tomorrow, but I have soccer practice that night, and my mom says she wants me to clean the kitchen. I can already feel the stress kicking in. So, there's that and then my whole week is busy with either soccer practice, tests, or chores, and I feel like I'm not going to have any time to myself. Even during the weekend I have games. Which is why I'm scribbling away in here even though I have a ton of homework. This is the only way to detox myself from all the bullshit I deal with.

I tried to tell mom, but she wasn't really listening, and when she was I completely forget everything I wanted to say to her, as if my brain didn't believe it was important enough. About five minutes into the conversation she started telling me how I had it easy, how she has to do everything, how I'm always giving her attitude, how Jeremiah's always whining to her, while dad doesn't come home till six p.m. and then makes the clean house a mess. Once it reaches that point, I just leave. I get that everyone has problems, but she could at least try to listen to mine before she begins her bitching.

Besides my selfish concerns and stresses, I'm kinda worried about Jen, I haven't seen her in forever, and every time I try to make an effort to talk to her, I get some watered down conversation with no substance. I don't know what's going on with her. We used to hang out all the time last year, but now every time I want to hang out with her, she's "tired" or "too busy" or whatever other BS excuse she tries to use on me.