Conspiracies

18. Black lights.

I had already experienced that pain. The pain that is capable of ending you, taking your life little by little, making you suffer until you finally die. The pain of losing your own child is the worst thing that can happen to a person. It had already happened to me thirteen years ago, in a horrible way, which ended without justice. I still remember when I went to the doctor and they told me that the fetus was dead and that they had to remove it. 

He had three months left to be born. At that moment the smell of the doctor's room came to me, insipid and cold. Every time I remembered it, it made me want to stop living. This time it had been much worse than the first. My own husband had murdered my son in cold blood. Just to win an election. He had done it in front of me. Just like the murder of my best friend.He wanted to destroy me, he wanted to take away all the reasons I lived for.

My face felt cold and swollen. I had already stopped crying. Now my head ached and I was staring into space. I was on the floor, on my knees, between Brita and Jens. Their blood had already gotten to me and my knees and shoes were stained with it.

I had no strength to continue. I didn't feel my hands. I was empty. My whole life had come crashing down on me as I stood still and silent between two corpses. 

"I'll explain what we're going to do." Lasse said, snapping me out of my shock. "Brita, who was wanted, snuck into our house and killed our son. I managed to stop her before she finished you. With no escape, she committed suicide as her life was over. Jens's funeral is this afternoon. They will take Brita to I don't know where to bury her with her family. In question with the famous documents, you will give a special statement saying that Brita had threatened to kill your husband if you did not do that interview."

I stayed silent. He had it all figured out from the start. I'm sure he'd arranged Jens's funeral long before this. Rage and hatred began to run through my blood as I kept my gaze lost and remained silent.

"By the way, Alicia, we haven't found your sister yet, but believe me it will be a matter of hours. I'm telling you this in case you're thinking of doing something stupid like getting a divorce, going to the police, or posting something against me. As long as you don't do any of that, your little sister will stay alive. When are you going to get tired of hurting the people around you? You are the one to blame for Brita and Jens being dead! If you hadn't meddled in my business they would still be alive, you killed them and now your sister is in danger. I hope you are not as stupid as you have always been and take what I am telling you seriously. Now get up, we have a hard day ahead of us." 

I didn't feel anything. All that fury had vanished. The pain had left me. I continued without looking at him. I listened as he walked away from me, while his team spoke to the press and called the police to report what had happened. I managed to get up and the bones creaked. I touched my face and felt the blood expand. It was already cold.

I went to the stairs to go up to my room and take a shower, I wanted to take off these clothes and cover myself with cold water. I didn't want to cry. I was so tired that I didn't even have the strength to do it. I struggled up each rung of the ladder, my joints silently complaining, but it didn't hurt. Nothing hurt anymore. I had experienced the deepest of pains. Nothing would hurt me anymore. Nothing could destroy me anymore.

After a long cold shower, full of uncontrolled thoughts, feelings, and tears, I decided to dress as best I could for my son's funeral. While I got ready I remained silent, my mind blank without thinking about everything that had happened. I knew that if I did, I would collapse in an instant. I wasn't crying. I wasn't yelling. 

I did nothing but put on a pearl necklace. I felt empty, without a soul, without a heart and much less feelings. I was succumbing to a transition of not thinking, of being silent and nodding.I didn't want to go down. I didn't want to see that horrible scene. The one my own husband had created.