You're Not Yourself

Deeply Hurt

When I was just a little kid things didn't bother me as much as they did today, maybe that's just because I didn't have to deal with that feeling of loss of losing friends and that I had people who were her for me when needed.

As I grew up into the person I am today, things have been crumbling down on me and I've became deeply hurt by it, to the closest friends I've had in my childhood years losing them one by one as I hang on to one hoping that friend doesn't break my heart.

By junior year with a girl a feel in love with and the distractions that made me forever regret being in, I apologized and lost the trusty best friend I once had.

I had to move on but with a the memories I've held on to it was too hard to let go of somebody I've been best friends with for so long. Looking back at old videos and figuring out who I've hurt the most made me realize that I don't want to make that mistake again.

By senior year the person I've been friends with  for 6 years of high school has forgot about me as well losing our friendship made me lose everything and with me knowing that I had nothing left but my two friend who were boys were the people I had to stick with. Along that journey in senior year there were times I thought about that person who left our friendship behind and decided to lose our friendship forever with the chaos we caused in our previous fun years in the high school, knowing that that person I once knew changed and wasn't the person I thought they were, they became mean and rude to me and made jokes that weren't so funny to me, taking offense to everything that person said. It affected the other school I went to for filmmaking class with a friends I made there made me almost lose then too. I don't really keep contact with them anymore because we've sorta gone our separate ways but once in awhile I'd either Snapchat them and we'd catch up with each other's lives.

I think about those people day by day and those people will just be people I'll remember by the friends that came by and said hello and goodbye forever.

I hope I can reconnect with these people and hopefully they can find forgiveness in there hearts to give me that chance of friendship back.

But as I meet new people day by day and hangout with those who I'm close to I'll eventually learn to let go and lose the thought of being deeply hurt inside.