Today I am a woman. I shall begin my training at the Abbey with the other initiates. I am nervous about my possiblities. Will I be selected for a profession? Maybe a student? My biggest fear is becoming one of The Disgraced- the unskilled - maids, farmhands, delivery people - all these are not acceptable for my standing. I wish I could just know now, before I begin. That way, I could just be shown my tasks and blend in more easily.
My brother, Gora, is ten cycles my senior. He is a Dean at the Monastery where he runs the Department of Truth. Mama & Papa say Gora is a genius; that he was so brilliant, he was able to have his choice of assignment, as long as it was not amongst The Disgraced. Mama once told me The Disgraced were worthless, unambitious - The maids, launderers, farmhands, sanitation workers - they were the lowest of our society. She said they were obviously born too stupid for real professions.
Tomorrow, Mama & Papa will take me for my entrance exams to the Abbey. I am terrified I will not do well on my exam. What if I am stupid, and end up training as a ladies maid? The thought alone scares me out of my shoes. I stand up from my window-seat and head for my closet. If I can't feel smart, I should at least look the part.
"Jaia, come to dinner," Mama says poking her head through my doorway. "We have much to discuss,girl."
When I get to the table, there is a surprise waiting for me. A box sits on the table, wrapped in colorful paper. "Mama, what is this?" I ask her.
"Long before us, people used to commemorate the passing of a cycle. They would hold large celebrations and give gifts to the person every cycle on the day of their birth. I thought we could celebrate yours. After all, tomorrow is your entrance exam. Soon, you shall no longer be part of our home. You will be joining your sisters at the Abbey, just as I did, and my mother did, in our 20th Cycle."
From the other side of the table, I heard a cough. My father, always sitting quietly and patiently, looking regal from his chair. He had a strange look on his face. Was it consternation? Irritation? Or did he just always look like that?
"Well, girl, are you going to open it or not?" Papa asks.
I nod and smile. Mama tells me I need to tear the paper off before opening the box. I look at her quizzically. She shows me a corner, folded in on itself. "Pull here."
I do so, and immediately, the paper begins to come off. I feel a rush of excitement and pull harder, ripping the paper. I hear my mother laugh and clap her hands, her bracelets clinking together like little bells. So I tear faster, now using both hands. As I get to the box, it is blank. I pick up my dinner knife and pry staples out of the box edges. Soon, the box opens to reveal cloth. I put my hand on it, feeling the shiny, satin finish. It is black, but as I lift it, it shimmers in the light to reveal layers of color within the fabric. Notes of green, blue, and purple shift as I tilt it. I open the cloth as far as I can to reveal a dress. It is floor length, with a fitted bodice. The sleeves are capped at the shoulder and the neck is rounded. I am stunned.
"Mama, it is beautiful. Thank you," I say.
"You are welcome my heart," she says, embracing me. She takes hold of my shoulders and has me face her. "This is what you shall wear at the Abbey. It is your habit."
"Habit?" I ask her.
"Yes. You are too young to remember when your brother left on his 20th Cycle. We gave him his first vestments, but those are worn by the men at the Monastery. You, my girl, wear a habit. It is like a uniform for all initiates. You wear it for your exams too."
I guessed I wouldn't be needing to choose my shoes for tomorrow after all.
