butterfly || jeon jungkook

ｂｕｔｔｅｒｆｌｙ

Don't think of anything. Don't say anything, not even a word.

Jungkook hugged you tight while you were having a panic attack. Your breathing was short and uneven, and you were crying into his shirt. You could feel your heart pumping uncontrollably as Jungkook whispered sweet nothings into your ears.

Panic attacks were frequent, but unpredictable. Your boyfriend helped you get over your anxiety, and it has gotten a little  better since then.

Just give me a smile.

Jungkook always loved to see you smile for  him. It made his heart happy and content. He was determined to make you smile every day, not mattering whether it was rain or shine.

Small things like these made you wonder what you have done to deserve a boyfriend like him.

I still can't believe it. All of this seems like a dream. Don't try to disappear.

Jungkook's heart broke whenever he saw you self-harm. His heart didn't want to believe what he saw. The one time he saw you laid on the floor, blood pooling beneath you, he thought you were going to disappear.

His days were spent in the hospital by your side, clutching your scarred hand. Worry painted his features as he kept hoping for you to not disappear and leave him behind in the mortal world.

Is it true, is it true? You're so beautiful, I'm scared.

"Jungkook.." you sighed through the heartache, "you deserve someone better, not a broken girl like me. I'm just a burden to you."

"No. I won't go. You're the only one I want, whether you're broken or not. Stop depreciating yourself, you're beautiful." Jungkook firmly stated, clutching your hand in his, warmth spreading throughout your cold body.

Can I really be called that, I wonder? He's probably saying that out of pity. You thought bitterly in your head, anxiety clouding your mind like a thick mist.

Untrue, untrue.

You saw Jungkook hanging around a beautiful girl, laughing and smiling. The girl was famous, outgoing and most of all, normal, the complete opposite of you. Envy pierced your heart, thinking about how easily the girl made your boyfriend smile.

Did I make him smile like that before? You thought. He's probably sick of taking care of me, seeing me cry everyday, only worrying him a lot.

Sudden realisation flooded your mind as you thought, That's right, he deserves a normal, happy girl. Not one like me. I'm broken, antisocial, and worthless. You then smiled sadly at the sight, your heart aching.

If he's happy, then I'm happy too. Your eyes glinted with tears, some rolling down your cheeks as you smiled.

Will you stay by my side? Will you promise me?

A sudden memory flooded into your mind, about how Jungkook promised to stay by your side everytime you had problems with your anxiety.

"Shh.. Its ok.. I'll always be here with you." Jungkook hugged you tight during another one of your panic attacks.

"You promise, Jungkook?" You said in between hiccups and tears. Without hesitation he replied, "Yes, I'll always be by your side, no matter where you are."

He then kissed you forehead lovingly, and your heart fluttered at the cute gesture. As you compared it with the situation now, you realised he spent more time with her than you.

She is probably getting all of his kisses, hugs and even cuddles. Anxiety was striking again, with your panic attack starting up. You felt suffocated, you heart beating irregularly.

Where's Jungkook? Wait, why am I even hoping for him to come anyway? I can do this myself.  You tried to take deep breaths to calm your erratical heartbeat.

5 minutes have passed, but your condition worsened. Voices started filling your mind with negative thoughts. The warmth that calmed you was no more, a numb feeling spreading throughout. Tears streamed down your eyes uncontrollably.

You're just a burden to him. He could be happier if you ended yourself. He wouldn't have to worry about hurting your feelings anymore. The voice in your head whispered.

You accepted the truth within the words that you heard. He seemed so happy with his 'friend', unlike his frowning face around you. He deserved to be happy.

You wrote a little note to him and placed it on the table. The razor was within sight, and you reached out to it.

This is for Jungkook. For his happiness. You held the razor closer to your scarred wrist, the cold blade touching your skin.

If i let go of your hand, you'll fly away and break. I'm scared, scared, scared of that.

Jungkook came home to see you laying beneath a pool of blood. He went over immediately, shaking you for any response. He tore a piece of the shirt he was wearing to tie your bloddied wrist, preventing you from losing any more blood.

"Oi! (Y/N)! Speak to me!" He fished his phone out, quickly calling an ambulance over. Your mouth then whispered its last word 'Goodbye' and your vision faded to black.

"Stay with me! (Y/N)!" His eyes were beginning to tear up. The fear of losing you was unbearable.

Will you stop time, if this moment passes? As though it never happened at all? I'm scared, scared, scared of losing you.

Sirens were heard outside your house. It was as if time stopped as you lay in his arms. Your pulse was decreasing ever so slightly, and your body was getting colder every minute.

Jungkook wanted to stop time in the moments of happiness between both of you. Jungkook regretted that he didn't spend much time with you these days. He wanted no other than you to be alive and well. He wanted to shower you in his love and hug you tight. Sometimes he just wished that you were a normal, happy girl.

The paramedics arrived with a stretcher and put your limp body on it. As he was about to follow them to the hospital, he noticed your note resting on the table. He quickly grabbed it and boarded the ambulance, tears flowing down his eyes.

He held your cold hand like it was the only thing keeping him from not bursting into tears.

Once they reached the hospital, he was forced to wait outside until your condition was stabilised. While he was waiting, he read your note.

Jungkook, be happy without me, okay? I love you. A tear dropped onto the paper, staining the ink.

"Shit. Why, (Y/N)?! I was already happy with you!" Jungkook cried in frustration and sadness, and buried his face in his hands.

Suddenly, doctors burst out of the room, their faces unreadable. Jungkook rushed towards a doctor, and asked him a single question.

"Doctor, is she okay?" His eyes were full of hope.

The doctor replied with a mournful tone,

Butterfly, like a butterfly.

"I'm sorry, she couldn't make it."

And those six words was all it took for as the whole world crashed down on him.