Survivor ~ Askari

Survivor.

At first I wasn't going to post this. I wrote it during one of my classes in school I only wrote it for me. It's a take on my life and just.. honestly I don't know. I don't know why I wrote it. But here. Read.

Tuesday April 15th ; 9:52 Am.

Main Unknown;

I'm a Kid in the eyes of my elders.

Im a child at heart and i wont hide my excitement for things that make me happy. Except My childhood was taken from me.

When your mind is taken by monsters and you sit there, wondering what's that new voice in your head or if someones calling you, you really wonder whats the meaning of life.

To go to work everyday and make your moneys worth or to stay home and be a couch potatoe.

I can't remember a time where i was able to sit in a room and not worry aobut the sounds. that dull numb feeling that seeps through my mind to the rest of my body. I never wanted this. No one does.

Once you have it its like a virus. It never stops growing, it never leaves.

Even when the voices stop, even when you think its over, its not.

Its like eating, you think you're done eating but a hour or so later it comes back and leaves you, then you have to do it all over again to survivie. It's never over.

You can only get stronger and try to control it.

There was once a time when you wouldn't have to worry about what they think of you.

Remember childhood? What happened. Why did you leave that extra pea on your plate or throw away that extra serving of food you normally have?

Why did you say you're fine when you're not?

Honestly why did lying about ourselves become so easy.

Why did hiding who we are and what we love and what we hate and what we are became such a good life style.

We have two people within us, the one we show when we are out and partying or hanging with friends and the one who only looks at themselves in the mirror and wants to scream out.

You don't know you're happy until you sit in a sunny field alone and you feel content.

If you do that in your bed of couse you feel comfy, it's your bed.

If you do it in a place that is unknown to you you could see the world in a different light, hear the birds, feel the wind. Its all about sitting out of your comfort zone.

I'm a very Insecure person, Its hard for me to sit outside of my comfort zone, but i try. I hide behind baggy sweaters and smoking and Alcohol.

besides my actual best friend i swear Alcohol is the best.

I used to be a alcoholic.

Many years and money wasted to the demons of liqour.

Its odd, how fast you can get into habit of stuff and stick with it and it can ruin your entire life.

I messed up my life. Bigtime.

But enough about my life.

I was telling you about voices wasn't i?

Its a horrible thing to have.

Some poeple can go on with their life and survive it all, or some take the easy way out and even some are trapped within walls of a ward. Earning their freedom like they are crazed children.