We'll be alright || Nct Dream

런쥔

Some nights I still hear your whispers
And your memories they hang like a picture
Some nights I still see your smile
Your number I wish I could dial

Before You Exit - Clouds

~~~~~~~~~~

"We'll keep in touch, alright?" was the last thing Huang Renjun heard when he left his family at the airport a bit more than a year ago. With his career as a singer, he has taken many planes but that one plane ride on the 2nd of February 2016 was by far the worst.

That morning still lays fresh in his mind as if it was yesterday. Renjun remembers stepping into that plane as everything suddenly hit him and he felt his legs begin to numb.

I'm leaving home.

And sometimes on nights like these, he wishes he never took that plane. And how can he, even when he has so many fans and members who love him, how can he still just feel so lonely?

Sometimes he feels as if nobody cares, as if nobody notices he's even there. In a huge concert hall, with thousands of fans, Renjun still manages to feel so fucking alone. And it's that feeling that comes at him every night, tearing his heartstrings apart.

Homesickness

Making him wish he was back home, in China. With his mom,dad and friends. He just misses everyone so much.

He misses the smell of homemade food every night after he comes back from school. He misses going to school and having fun with his friends.

He misses walking under the twinkling street lights. He misses the taste of street food. He even misses the Chinese alphabet he saw everytime he went to the city.

Of course Korea also has twinkling street lights and street food but it isn't the same, it isn't home. Or at least, it isn't his home.

Renjun stares blankly at the ceiling of his shared room with Jeno and Jisung, tears slowly falling down the sides of his face. But he doesn't have the energy to wipe them, hoping that they'll just dry themselfs up.

Luckily they don't have any schedules for 3 days, so it isn't like he has to go to sleep early. Still, it doesn't look like he's going to get any sleep tonight again.

Renjun considers waking up Chenle to talk to him but one, he'll feel guilty for waking him and two, it doesn't seem like Chenle is really affected by homesickness so he won't understand anyway.

With no one to talk to, as he doesn't want to burden them, Renjun heaves himself up and walks quietly to the kitchen.

As many of his members decided to make everything out of these short 3 days, most of them went home. Of course home for them is like 30 minuted away.

Renjun begged his manager to go to China, since 3 days was enough to go there for a day and come back but he wasn't allowed. Neither were Chenle or Winwin.

As he reaches the kitchen he sees Jaehyun standing behind the open fridge, looking for something to eat.

"Hyung, what are you doing here? I thought you went home?" Renjun said with eyes half closed.

"Yeah I just came back, I had nothing to do there", Jaehyun said mindlessly, still looking through the fridge.

And again for the nth time this night his heart feels heavy. Why would Jaehyun just come back after a couple of hours if he had a whole 3 days to spend precious time with his family?

But then he realises, Jaehyuns parents live literally 15 minutes away from the dorm. And he sees them so often already.

How Renjun wishes it was like that with him, how much easier everything would be.

"Oh, alright then..." Renjun trails off, looking for a cup to fill up with warm milk. Maybe he'll fall asleep faster (like his mother always told him).

"Why are you still up by the way? It's 3 in the morning already" Jaehyun says turning around to look at him, with a concerned face.

"It's nothing...just couldn't sleep" he mutters looking around for the clock, wondering if it really was that late.

"Okay, but Renjunie remember if anythings up you can always talk to me"

"Of course I know that...it's nothing like that hyung" he lies not looking into Jaehyuns eyes, which are fixated on him.

Because he wouldn't understand anyway.

Saying bye to Jaehyun, he turns around leaving his now empty glas on the counter and walks back up the stairs into his room.

When he opens the door, he sees that Jeno and Jisung are still sleeping deeply.

Renjun flops onto his bed and sighs as his back and schoulders relax. Closing his eyes, he begins to count to 100.

1

2

3

4

5

6

Beep beep beep

Renjun groans, but not loud enough to wake his fellow members up. Still with closed eyes, he pats his bedside table in search for the machine making that noise, his phone.

Not looking at the contact name he slides his fingers automaticly and answers "Hello?"

"Renjunnie? Did I wake you up?"

His eyes immediatly flew open to look at his phone, confirming the voice at the other side of the call.

Na Jaemin.

"No no I was still awake, why are you calling so late?"

Renjun hasn't seen his best friend in over 5 months, as he's currently resting for his injury at his home in Daegu.

"I...just felt a little lonely and I had a feeling you wanted to talk? Sorry if I sound weird but it's just..I don't know" Jaemin says as he stumbles over his words, pausing ever so often.

At a loss for words, Renjun feels his eyes prickeling slighty again. He quickly closes his eyes and tells himself to man up and stop crying for God's sake.

At that moment he feels as if there really was somebody who cared, who wanted to talk to him, so he replies,

"How did you know, of course I want to talk"

And that's exactly what they did, not about his homesickness, no definetly not, but about all sorts of random things.

They talked until 6 a.m. about the most random things just blurting out whatever was on their minds.

From unicorns to space mermaids, just letting their imagination running wild.

And without even realising it, that night turned into one of those night where Renjun didn't feel so alone anymore.