Stand Alone

I woke up to the birds chirping in the distance. I got up from my bed and looked out the window. There was a slight breeze where the grass danced to and fro. The birds who sang a familiar tune were bathing in the birdbath. I saw them there so innocent with no worries. They were birds, of course they didn't have worries, but they were sitting there when they could fly. Why were they not flying? That got me thinking, even though birds can fly and they weren't chained to anything they were in a way chained to the sky.

I snapped out of my stage of thought and looked at the clock that had fallen when I got up; I wasn't late, but I had to hurry. I took a quick shower and got dressed with the latest clothes now in style. I looked in the mirror, the image that stared back at me, brought shame to my eyes; secretly I hated the view. I took another look in the mirror after I had applied some makeup and saw the beauty of my mother stare back at me; a much better view.

My mother is a model and my father is the mayor of this small town. As their daughter, I have been blessed with my mother's perfect charm and my father's intelligence. We are the perfect family, through everyone's eyes but my own. The only problem with being the perfect family is being watched and criticized over every tiny little thing you do.

I went downstairs and ignored the smell of freshly cooked breakfast, and the look of awe my mother had written all over her face. I quickly walked out the door, before my mother could even direct a word to me. I didn't stray too far; I just went to go check the mail. I opened the box and sorted through all of the junk. One envelope stood out from the rest, it was addressed to Dawn Andrews.

I clutched on tight to that envelope, the envelope that could change my life. Millions of thought ran through my head. Did I get accepted? Is it a rejection letter? The suspense was killing me, so I tore into it. I pulled out a letter looking for the words "I'm sorry, but..." instead I found a "Congratulations!" I had been accepted to my top college! I knew this day had to be memorable, it just had to!

I started to notice the slightest of things, the color of the grass, insects jumping from leaf to leaf, the flowers rising and reaching out for the sun.

I made my way to school to share the exciting news with my best friend from day one. My best friend before my father became mayor, before she knew what a model was, my one true friend. Grant it, I was popular with friends everywhere, but they were only my friends because of my father or my mother. She screamed for joy at the sound of my news.

School took forever, bell after boring bell, but it finally came to an end. It came to an end! Today was the last day of school, the last day of high school, the last day of my senior year! A single tear rolled down my face, I was going to miss this. This life that was so perfect! I pulled out my car keys and looked at my house keys. I clutched on tight to them, and decided I would just stroll for a final intake of this life.

Towards the back of the school, there was a secret place; I found it my freshman year with this boy during freshman orientation. He knew not of me and I knew nothing about him.

I walked on this bridge, it was sturdy but old. It looked like it would cave at any given moment, but I knew it wouldn't. The railing was made of a strong wood and the scenery was breathtakingly beautiful. I jumped over the railing, so I could have a better view of the scenery, and sat on the rail.

It was a shallow creek, it was. The ducks swam with their ducklings and I just took hold of this moment, my last moment. There was a rush, a gust of wind that put me off balance, I quickly held onto the railing fearing for my life. The fear gave me a rush and I enjoyed that feeling.

The feeling of being alive, the feeling that brought me to life. Life! What if I died? Who would find me? Who would cry? I stood still holding onto the railing, tight.

Thoughts, I thought, just thoughts that everyone at one point in time has, but who actually follows through? I thought, questioning myself, and loosened my grip on the railing. I let go of the railing, falling to the edge of the bridge but landing safely on it, bent me knees, and closed my eyes.

"What are you doing?!" a voice so soft and filled with concern arose from the stillness of dusk. I hadn't noticed how long I had been here.

Startled, I turned to face the sound. My hair flew in my face, I saw nothing. I twriled my hair to see clearer, and tripped over my shoes. Stumbling I cried, "HELP, I CAN'T HOLD ON!!!"

The figure ran towards me and took my hand. A boy looked into my eyes and I did the same. It was those eyes that found this place with me and now saved me. I took a seat on the edge of the bridge and so did the boy. I let my feet hang in the air and I began to kick them: he sat down next to me, just like the first time we had. He never let go of my hand and I liked that. "You were about to jump weren't you?"

I gasped at the accusation of such a thing, but trembled at my answer, "Yes, I was going to jump."

He shot me a look of empathy, like he knew what I was going through.

"I just can't handle the perfection in my life. Living up to expectations is hard and the older I get the closer it becomes to being real, you know? How can my life be handed to me on a silver platter, and other people don't even have the luxury of having a platter to begin with?! I end up hating myself for all of it; my life, myself, my looks, my brain, everything." I ranted.

"I get it, but dying would solve nothing, it would only bring pain to everyone you know and love. How would you explain to them the reason you would do such a thing? They will never know why you did it, they will never know how you felt, and they would be left with nothing but a bunch of unanswered questions." The boy pleaded.

I wiped away the tears falling down my face with my free hand, and then asked the question that was bugging me, "Who are you?"

"I don't need to have a name, do I?" He said avoiding the question. "I will say this though; I was with you the day we found this place."

"I knew it!" I said with a smile.

"Why don't we get out of here," He questioned hoping to hear an 'okay'. He got up and hopped over the rail, holding my hand the entire time. He was now on the other side as I got up.

"Don't worry, I've got you." He said carefully. I lifted my leg to hop over, when the wind suddenly blew and set me off balance. I jumped with the foot that was firmly on the ground to keep me balanced, when I felt the creak of the wood, the bridge gave out.

We fell to the epitome of our deaths. Everything was slowing down: the splash of the water when we hit it, the sudden darkness getting closer. I looked over my shoulder, sinking before reacting, no one was with me. I was sinking deeper and deeper, the voice of the boy that was with me echoed in my ears. "FIGHT; FILL YOUR LUNGS WITH AIR, RISE!!! YOU ARE STILL BREATHING!!! GET UP, SO YOU CAN FIX ALL YOUR MISTAKES!!!"

I rose up from the water with a few broken bones in my arms, I could tell because I couldn't swim properly. I didn't know why I heard the boy's voice in my head, was I imagining him here the whole time?

I was now safe and laid flat on the ground; I turned to the side and found a sign. I inhaled sharply at the sight of the text. It read: "May you finally be happy now, Evan". The name rang a bell, the boy that was with me my freshman year, his name was Evan. Below his name read, "Died by Suicide".

I thought back to the "conversation" I had with him a few seconds ago. I guess from the outside looking in I was having a mental conversation with someone I trusted. I don't really know what was really happening on that bridge, but one thing was for sure I was there alone, because Evan was dead yet I was very much alive.