If only

All I can do is cry, or moan and yell gibberish. They all say its cause I was born with brain damage, but I know everything I've ever learned. I just cant communicate.
I can't move my body, neck, anything. Everyone thinks I'm crazy, stupid, dumb and the lists go on, but I'm not. My mom understood me, I don't know how but she did. She died about a year ago in a car crash.

She collided with a drunk driver, no one survived the crash. Now I'm left with my dad, no let me rephrase that. Now I'm left with a nanny my dad pays so he can go and get drunk every night. Ironic right. Anyways the nanny sucks, she's talks like I'm a baby even though I'm 14, and she mostly ignores me except when I need a diaper change(like I said, I can't move!!) or when it's lunch or breakfast.

"Elisa would you like a banana!"

She says in her sing song baby voice. She stuffs a few into my mouth, smiles a fake smile, then leaves.
My name is Anna Elisa Heyden, I am a person surviving this life, not living it. I go to school but I just sit there and watch, listen and learn. I don't know why they put me in school it's not like I can do anything! The nanny comes too, but she mostly eats the snacks in the teachers lounge. Right now it's a Saturday and I'm watching, out of all the shows, Dora the Explorer. It's not like I can do anything about it though, except cry. I don't because the nanny and my dad both have said right in front of me of how big of a cry baby I am.

It's late when my dad walks in. His face is flushed, hair askew and is missing a shoe.

"CASEY!!"

He yells. Casey is the nanny.

"What!"

"Get the hells downed here's!!

I hear stomps and then a grumpy Casey is standing before me facing dad.

"What"

"I needs a beer!"

He falls against the couch and try's to stand up again.

"Get it yourself lazy ass."

"You bi-"

He turns towards me.

"How bouts yous getter me a beer. Buts wait you can't cause youy damageded!"

He laughs and stumbles away. Casey wheels me to my room and roughly puts me to bed practically throwing me.

"Remember doctor appointment tommorow. You know what they told me?"

She laughs hysterically.

"They said they could fix you. HA!! You can't be fixed, you can't even understand me!"

She laughs again and walks away smiling to herself. Wait. Did I hear that right. Did that say they could fix me? Eventually I fall asleep and when I do I'm happy.

...............................

I wake up already in the car. Casey is up front. I freeze. Is she kissing my dad? After such a big fight? Even though she's half his age?! He kisses her back just as hard. I make a noise to make them stop and they do, but they just tell me to SHUTUP and then kept on going.
Eventually they stop and we finally get there. They wheel me in and come into the office with me while laughing and giggling. Dr. Kerry is there. He's the best. He coughs to get there attention and the room goes silent.

"Let me get right to the point, after the tests done on Elisa a few weeks we have found out that there is brain function."

My dad looks confused as Dr. Kerry goes on.

"Elisa can understand us, has probably learned everything she was ever taught and has a mind."

Dad scrounges up his face and turns toward me.

"She could understand us this whole time, her whole life?"

"That's correct."

There's a erie silence for awhile as Casey and dad process everything.

"Now there is a surgery to say....make her normal. For her to function and move. There is of course a costly price and therapy after."

I can't believe what I'm hearing. If I could scream with excitement I would. Dad looks at me but doesn't meet my eyes.

"I'll pay it, when is it."

"There's a opening tomorrow at twelve. Remember though that she'll be in the therapy for a few months."

Dad rubs his beard and sighs. Casey is pale and shaking.

"Here are the papers sir If you could fill them out and have them here by tomorrow morning. All the information you need for prepping is in the envelope."

He hands the package to my dad, then turns to me.

"Goodnight see you tomorrow"

He smiles as my dad wheels me away. Once were in the car Casey is officially freaking out and is practically hyperventilating.

"How could you!! She will tattle and send us to jail."

There's a sharp edge to her voice. I was thinking of tattling too for the years of verbal and physical abuse. For the days missing school because dad was drunk and hit me too hard or when Casey slapped me to see the reaction.

"I have to try to make up for what iv done."

He looks at me with a kindness I haven't seen in years. The car drives on in silence.

................................

That night I lay there and cry cause all I can do is cry. So I cried, but I cried happy tears.