The Girl Who Died For You

It was a long Monday afternoon and Sonia just got home from school. She was in her school uniform, carrying a branded bag with the initials "YSL". She was all worn out from school activities she signed up in the beginning of the year. As usual, she booted her laptop, signed into Facebook and checked her notifications. Something had been posted on her wall with the words "I miss you" but she did not hesitate to reply. In fact, she was eclectic seeing those three words. It was the girl she had had a crush on for about a year now and little did she know, the girl felt the same for her. That evening went past in a blink of an eye. They chatted happily for a while about going to the movies. Sonia could not believe her eyes as she read the reply from her and instantly replied with a "Sure. When?" After about twenty minutes, the conversation ended and both of them went back to their routine.

Her name was Kay. Sonia and Kay met almost 2 years ago at a gathering at Starbucks. The gathering consisted of four Kay's best friends named Candy, Leanne, Lili and Mindy. Sonia was only tagging along just because her sister, Lili wanted her to be there. Everyone was busy catching up and Sonia was eventually forgotten but Kay was surely attracted to her. Candy and Kay spoke about Sonia right after leaving, while Leanne sat and listened. Kay was looking forward to getting to know her better so she decided to send her a friend request on Facebook which she usually would not be bothered to do so unless she was interested. They became friends the day Sonia accepted her friend request and had not stopped talking since.

It was a Sunday afternoon when they were out for a meal but could not bring themselves to talk about anything. Lunch was awkward and was not up to Kay's expectation because they were going well before the meet up. She had thought of confessing her deepest thoughts to Sonia but she had no confident at all so Kay decided to make plans to hang out again. Sonia ignored most of the text messages and moved on.

Days later, Kay found out that Sonia had been seeing Leanne, a pretty butch who only happened to date cute girls. Unfortunately, this time she got her eyes on Sonia. Kay felt a kick in the head and heartbroken but finally came to a conclusion that she should stop thinking about Sonia anymore.

Kay knew everything had changed and they barely talked anymore. She wanted to stop thinking about Sonia and with all her might, she erased her contact details off her phone. She wanted her out of her life and that was the only choice she had. Sonia went through the hardest time when she found out Kay was avoiding her. She knew nothing can be done by then. Months passed, Sonia had healed and they spoke again. This time, Kay realized that Sonia and Leanne were already dating. Kay was upset but not as bad as before. She accepted it and congratulated them from the bottom of her heart but they had not realized that Kay was breaking on the inside. She was good with her emotions that no one had managed to see through her sad eyes.

Things remained silent for months until Monday afternoon. Sonia decided to send Kay a text message that wrote "Hi, it's Sonia. Would you like to go to the movies with me?" Oblivious was the name of the movie and Kay felt so nervous like it was her first date. In fact, she never had felt as nervous before. Oblivious was their first movie together. Kay arrived thirty minutes earlier because she wanted Sonia to feel special. She wanted to let her know that someone actually cared about their date. Before the movie, they had small talks. They seemed like a happy couple which was what Kay had always been dreaming to have. Minutes before the movie started, they headed over to a snack counter to get water and chocolates. They were still chatting but had to whisper. During the movie, Kay felt so cold to the bones and started shivering because she had left her sweater

in the back of the car. She wrapped her arms together to make herself feel better but it was not helping. Sonia noticed her after a good fifteen minutes of shivers. Sonia grabbed hold of her hand. Her hands were so warm and Kay felt so comfortable. Sonia tried to make her feel warm and it worked instantly. Sonia was afraid that she might have offended Kay with her action. Before Kay had managed to do anything, Sonia had come to her senses, loosened her grip and released her hand. Kay was puzzled and started thinking to herself but she felt the cold again and right at that very moment, she wanted to throw up. Kay was shivering and rattling so loudly that Sonia could hear her so clearly. She was embarrassed but she could not stop the shivers so she left to go to the washroom. She was hoping that Sonia would hold her once again and that everything would be better. The movie was so boring that both of them had the slightest idea what they were saying. "What is this movie about?", asked Kay. Sonia responded "Shhh...just keep watching". They threw questions at each other and giggled for a while before Sonia decided to hold her again. Kay noticed the difference as Sonia began to fill up the spaces between her fingers with Kay's but she managed to let them go just about when Kay tightened her grip. Both of them sat there confused. "It's okay. She didn't want it", Kay thought.

Soon after the movie, Kay asked "Hey do you want to go somewhere else?" "I don't know. Why don't you decide?", Sonia replied. Both of them were reluctant to leave. They paid the parking ticket and Kay offered to drive her to the ground to get her car. They were indecisive about what to eat so Sonia gave up and said "Let's forget about it and go home." She did not want her to go and it was awkward when Sonia tried to get out that door. Kay wanted to kiss her goodnight but she hesitated. She had no idea how Sonia would feel so it was time to say goodnight.

They talked for thirty minutes when Kay set foot in her home. She could not stop thinking what had just happened. Sonia was all in her mind and that was all. She was only able to sleep at three in the morning and she was barely unconscious. It was a bad sleep. The very next day, Kay sent Sonia a text that said "I'm sorry that I miss you." It was approximately five hours later when Sonia read it and replied "We just met last night." Kay went blank and paused for awhile. She was speechless she didn't know what she could possibly say to drag the conversation longer. But no matter how she tried, the conversation ended after ten minutes with only three text messages from Sonia. Kay knew Sonia was ignoring her and she felt so torn apart she could not stop herself from weeping. She felt needles pierced through her fragile heart.

Days went by without a single word from Sonia. Both of them were depressed that they had no proper meals and suffered from weeks of sleepless nights. There, Kay thought to herself and mumbled "Why was I chosen? Why am I left without?" Everyone eventually left her alone, everyone she had known. She had lost hope once again. Just when she had brought her hopes up, people decided she was not good enough and left. All these thoughts had been bothering her for days until she felt so tired she could barely think straight anymore.

It was 5pm when she took a shower and after stepping out not getting dressed, she went to look for pencils and papers and started writing. As she was writing, tears fell from her cheeks. The paper had now become so damped that she could see through the other side. She folded the letter and took out a razor blade from one of her gray drawers. She lied down on the floor and began cutting herself repeatedly. Blood oozed out like a flowing river. She was in pain and minutes later, she was already cold and felt no sense. Her eyes slowly closed and there she lied there naked on the floor, lifeless, with no possibility of getting revived. With her a razor blade and a letter that said

Dear Sonia,

I really like you but I'm just gonna shake it off because I know I'm that someone who doesn't deserve to fall for anyone especially a person so dearly like you. Every time we met, I was always stuttering. The perfect words never crossed my mind because there was nothing in there but you. You can leave and I'll remember you. Everyone leaves so that makes it okay. Don't miss me when I'm gone."

Hours later, Sonia was contacted by a friend. They handed her the letter and she read as tears rolled down her red cheeks. "What did I just do? I killed her!", Sonia wondered. Sonia found out how Kay felt for her in the letter. She had not had a single clue and planned to avoid her just so her feelings would stop coming back. Just like Kay, she thought she had no choice. They loved each other but neither knew how they felt for each other. Sonia attended her funeral with swollen eyes, red runny nose and she barely spoke. She uttered the three words no one had predicted as she was given a very last chance to look at Kay before she was cremated. "I love you", Sonia burst out. There and then, Kay will always be kept deep inside her heart. Forever and always.

"Rest in peace. I will see you soon.", Sonia whispered.

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