What If I

The Next Day.

I wake up, striving for breath. Corey's words echo in my head, I try to hold back my tears. 

"Poppy, you are worthless. No-one would ever want you. You are nothing. You don't deserve anyone. You should just die. And no-one would care."

Those words are enough to ruin someone's life. But I won't let that happen. I reach for my phone which I had left on the bedside table and scroll through my instagram feed, reading though fan messages. Each one was carefully typed as if they knew how I was feeling and what I'm going through. I get to the direct messages and see one by a user named 'Brittney Sheets'. It reads,

"Moriah, I know the pain your going though. I see it in your eyes each video you make. I can tell you are being abused. Don't be scared. I will help you get through it all. Corey will pay for hurting you. I guarantee. Don't be scared to skype me. I can help you.

-Brittney Sheets"

I froze for a few seconds. How do they know? Who are they? I need to know. I have to know. I get out of the bed, still holding my phone and stumble into Josh's room. He isn't in there. I walk in and sit on his bed. His scent lingering in the room. His computer in the corner of the room. I go towards it and press the on button with anticipation pulsing within me. The vivid lights merge together to pull up a wallpaper of him and Debby. How happy he looked.

There is a password lock. What could it be? Debby? I type in Debby quickly and it doesn't bypass the system. I try TØP but it doesn't work. I try his middle name, his favourite colour but all fails. I put in Poppy just to be sure, it works. Why is it my name. He couldn't have changed it yesterday as he would've gotten rid of that wallpaper. I click on the skype icon anxiously. Who will this person be? I don't give a crap about what I look like right now but I am too overwhelmed to care.

"Brittney Sheets..." I mutter to myself typing it in. It must be a girl, right? Come on, click it. I click the button and squint. What did I just do? The call starts connecting and I duck underneath the desk. 

"Hello? Anyone there? Hello? I'm not gonna kill ya. I promise." The voice bellows. It sounds like child-like but not intentionally. I slowly get up, taking a glimpse at what looks like a girl in her mid 20s. "I'm gonna hang up-" I cut her off. "Yes, I'm here." I say getting up and kneeling. She smiles at me and laughs. 

"Moriah, you called me. I was hoping to speak to you. I'm Brittney. I have had PTSD before. Someone caused it. Do you know who?" She says, lacking expression in her voice, just like I do.

"No. Why, how did you know?" I ask really quietly.

"Oh. It's because Corey and I were together. You see." She responds, still no expression.

"Who-" I stop.

"I'm Mars Argo or that's how you may remember me. It pains me to say that name ya know. He gave me PTSD, he is abusing you, he abused me." She says smiling slightly. 

I hang up the call. Why did she call me? Why does she want to help me? Why? I get up and walk straight down the stairs. All the way into the living room and lay down on the couch and reach for the remote. I click the red button and see the flashing news headlines. Tears threaten to spill as I read them. 

"Singer That Poppy is missing. Her partner is looking for information. Have you seen her?"

"Now classified, as 22 year old Moriah Periera, the missing person may be with TØP's Josh Dun." 

"Corey Mixter is calling a national hunt for Moriah, 'She needs to come back to me'. "

I break down. "Why me God? What have I done to deserve this? Is it my fault? What is it that outs me in this place right now?" I yell tears dripping down my face. I run to the bathroom and see one of Josh's razor blades. I run the water and get in. I strike my wrist with the sharp blade. Crying out with pain. I keep going and going, forgetting about the pain. I hear the door open and I continue. I hear footsteps coming towards the bathroom. I go even quicker.  The door opens.

"POPPY! POPPY! CAN YOU HEAR ME. NO. NO. NO." Josh says tears dripping down his face. I close my eyes and don't open them. He carries me out of the tub and lays me on a towel. He pulls out his phone with one hand. Holding me in the other. Pulling my head to his chest. My hair, drenched with blood along with the clothes I wore into the tub. I feel a pain in my arm and then I can't control myself. I can't move. I can't speak. I can't hug Josh. I can tell him how much he means to me. I can't because I am nearly dead. 

Thanks to @-RunawayRunaway and @XvintagemarsX  for being my only readers so far x Thanks guys x 

Love always -

Moriah'sComputer x