What If I

The Hospital.

I hear angry mumbles as I slowly open my eyes, the panting doctors hover over my limp body. I scream in an attempt to get help. Where's Josh? Why am I here? What's happening to me? I don't like this.

"It's ok. We are here to help you." A doctor says in a hushed calming tone. I breathe in and out several times quickly and try to keep calm, but I can't. I need him. I need Josh. Many tears build up in my eyes and spill all at once. They turn into heavy sobs, causing more attention to be gained from the masked people in teal.

"JOSH? JOSH? WHERE ARE YOU? HELP ME! JOSH! JOSH?" I scream out. I am silenced by an anaesthetic mask being placed over my mouth and I fall asleep. I can't see or hear or cry out. It is black. Dark, just like the world. What if I'm dead? What if I can't be saved? Will anyone care? Will Josh care? I don't belong here. I don't belong here.

"Poppy? Poppy? Where Are You?" I hear Josh. But I can't answer. Then I can't hear him. I see him running to find me. Then I don't see him at all. I am hallucinating. This is just a bad dream. But why can't I wake up? I keep my eyes firmly shut and manage to drift off to sleep. Well, I was just blankly staring into darkness, but that's what always happens to me.

I slowly open my eyes and see I'm still in the operating room. But there's a difference. My arm feels better than before, but it's scarred. The points where the blades had slashed away at my skin were scarred. The parts where it drew patterns across my wrist. Were scarred. I struggle to move. And then I realise I was connected into a machine. The ones that read your heart, mine was going up and down, which is normal, and then on my right I see a bag of blood, open. It was for me. I had lost alot of blood I guess.

I start crying. I want to get out, I want to see Josh.

"Miss Periera, what's seems to be the problem?" A kind faced nurse walks in. She smiles at me and sits on the edge of the bed. She keeps focus on my face, waiting for an answer.

"I want to get out. I want to see Josh." I say tears filling my eyes. And this is when I realise I cry a lot. She takes my hand and looks at me, studying every feature in my face. And then looks away at her surroundings, and scans the room. Then she looks back at me, she looks me right in the eyes.

"I'm going to let you out. But on one condition." She says looking at me sternly. Giving me a hard cold stare.

"Which is?" I respond, tiredly.

"You have to remember you owe me, Brittney Sheets, a coffee. I will be ready tomorrow at 9:00. And you have to, doctor's orders." She says whilst detaching me from the machine. But why is she here? Why is she so eager to talk to me? I nod my head towards her. I need answers. I need to know everything she does.

"And Moriah, Josh is waiting for you outside." She smiles at me as she unties the final hook. I spring out of the hospital bed in a hospital gown and run out. He is sitting with his hands together, praying. I hide behind him and wait for him to turn around.

"Excuse me, Joshua Dun? Miss Periera has been discharged from the hospital, you have permission to see her." I say smiling at him and he jumps off his chair to hug me.

"I've been so worried about you, why? What drove you-" I stop him. I plant a kiss on his lips, and wrap my hand around the back of his head. He pulls back and he picks me up bridal style and carries me to the parking lot and puts me in the front seat. He gets in and I smile the entire journey back to his house.

"Um, Moriah, I mean Poppy-"

"It's fine just call me Moriah or Poppy. I don't really mind."

"Ok, Moriah, what happened? Did he hurt you because I'll kill the guy-" He stops when I answer.

"No. I got a message. It was telling me they know whats going on and they wanted me to skype them. So I did and it was Corey's ex. And I hung up. Then I turned on the TV and saw the news-" I burst into a river of tears.

"The news is full of bullshit. He paid to have those headlines put in." He responds. We get out of the car and walk to the door. Hand in hand. We walk to his door. He opens it and I walk onto the couch and take off my shoes. He pulls out a pair of female pyjamas and hands them to me.

I go into the guest room and get into the pyjamas and head into the living room where Josh is waiting. He brings out some popcorn and puts it on the coffee table.

"Moriah, I'm putting on a movie now. What do you wanna watch?" He asks, smiling at me. I think for a few seconds and answer,
"The conjuring." I've always been a fan of horror movies. I don't get scared that easily by movies but anyone can scare me anytime. I cuddle up to Josh as we watch the movie.

He flinches a few times during the film but I won't move. I need to shit. Real bad.

"Josh I need to go to the bathroom."  I announce and he nods. Instead I walk into his room and see a mask that he used for Halloween last year at Corey's party. I put it on and sneak behind the couch.

I slowly place my fingers on his shoulders and then tickle his collarbone and then I start breathing real heavy while he laughs. And then I scream.

"What the fuck! Poppy, you scared me."          
I laugh and he pulls me in for a hug. I wrap my arms around his neck.

"Im getting tired. Poppy do you wanna go to bed now?" I nod in response and kiss his cheek. I run up the stairs into the guest room and tuck myself in. As soon as I do so, I get a message.

"You can run but you can't hide, little girl. I'll have you back soon, sooner than you think."