Never been yours

Prologue

"Ba't ba ngayon kalang?! asan ka galing ha?! nambabae ka ano ?!" dinig kong bulaslas ni Mommy na syang dahilan ng pagkagising ko.

"Bakit ba ? wala kan dun! alam mo namang di kita minahal sa una palang! Don't act as if you love me. Kasi sa una palang we already know that we're  just stuck on arranged marriage!" Hindi nakapagsalita si Mommy pati ako ay natahimik.

I froze, I didn't know about that. How come na arranged lang sila? no! I can't believe this. Di ko inasahang Arranged marriage lang pala sila, dahil ang buong akala ko ay mahal nila ang isa't isa, may namumuong luha sa aking mga mata. I never expect this ! 

"Mom,Dad? is it true?" naiiyak kong tanong.

"Sweetie, I-I thought you were asleep" nag pipigil iyak na banggit ni mommy. Damn I want to shred away her tears.

"Dad? is it true ?" di nya ako sinagot, instead pumasok lang sya sakanyang kwarto at pabagsak na sinara ang pintuan.

Oh my god! I hate that man.

 ."Mom? Why? bat di nyo agad sinabi, For how many years, Oh God I don't expect this. Mom am I really made of love? or I am just a product of your Lust? " nakaramdam ako ng malakas na sampal galing kay mommy. 

I saw anger and pain in her eyes. I hate seeing her cry but I still hate her this time.

Agad ko syang tinalikuran at dali daling pumasok sa kwarto. Humagulhol ako sa pag iyak, umiiyak na parang walang bukas. 

The last thing I should do is to call the person I can trust the most, My boyfriend.

Calling Jake

" Hey"

"Jake, I need you, Lets meet."

"May gusto din akong sabihin sayo Dein. let's meet"

*end call*

Ewan ko pero kinabahan ako sa sinabi nya kaya dali dali akong nagbihis at umalis. He is Jake Perez the one who I love the most and he is my first and last love. Three years na kaming nag mamahalan at alam kong di niya ako iiwan. Pinaharurot ang aking sasakyan. Yes, I have my own car. Regalo ni Mommy at Daddy sakin and fvck! I think napipilitan lang silang bilhan ako nito. 

I saw my boyfriend, sitting at the bench, I really love this guy. He's the only one who's always there everytime when I'm in pain.

"Babe" utas ko nang nakalapit na ako sakanya agad nya naman akong nilingon. "Hey Jake, You okay?"

"I'm leaving, Lets have a break up Dein, I'm sorry we're done" I know he was just kidding but I saw a pain in his eyes. No, this can't be.

"Babe, You're just drunk or what. Jake please stop joking, its not funny." nabubulol kong sabi.

"I'm sorry, But I dont love you anymore." tumayo sya at akmang aalis kaya hinwakan ko ang kamay nya, begging.

"Hey what's the problem? tell me. Come on stop doing this to me." marahas nyang tinanggal ang kamay ko sa kamay  nya.

"Stop begging please, makakahanap ka pa ng mamahalin mo. Just let me go."  

umalis na siya at naiwan akong tulala. Gusto ko syang habulin at magmakaawa ulit, but he pleased to let him go, pagod ako, pagod na pagod. What a day!

Sino pa ba sa mundong ito ang nagmamahal sakin? am I really that unlovable? no one loves me.  I'm useless as a white crayon, I'm fvcking worthless. I want to end this. I wan't to end my life.

What should I do, I'm so tired of these. what's next? So good it's raining, I'm in pain and it's raining. this sucks!

Sumakay ako sa sasakyan at pinaandar ito. I don't know where to go. Magpapakalayu layo nalang muna siguro ako. Mabilis kong pinaharurot ito habang umiiyak at patuloy ang pagbuhos ng malakas na ulan. Ang sikip sikip ng puso ko, after I knew mom and dad's real situation and my relationship over with my Jake. Binuhos ko lahat ng hinaing sa pagmamaneho. Idon't care what'll happen next, I just want to end this.

Nagpatuloy ako sa pagmamaneho sa madulas na kalsada nang may sumulpot na sasakyan sa harapan kaya nagkabanggan, and everything went black.

everything went black...

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