Socialloving

Breath In, Breath Out (Chapter 1)

''You should go down to the store and buy some food''
Mom advised, her familiar voice being the only thing keeping me calm.
"But why''
She sighed, her breath more heavy than before
"You know that the doctor wants you to gain a few kilo Talia, I can't live like this, you need to get your shit togheter''
"-You can't live in the shadows forever sweetheart, be a real swede remember that you have viking blood"
She added her firm voice making me sure I had to go, I smiled even though I felt the burden of this disorder on my shoulders
"Fine, but I won't start writing with runes just because they did"
She laughed clearly relieved
"Buy some calorie dense foods"
She said before hanging up.
I put on my sunglasses even though it was cloudy outside, I didn't want anyone to see my face. My hoodie covered my long brown hair and the glasses my light blue eyes.

•. •. •. •. •. •. •. •. •. •. •. •. •. •. •. •. •.

I started to tremble one's I had gotten to the store, then I noticed that I was the only person in there and I calmed down, well except the cashier who was clearly dissapointed that someone was showing up at 11 pm, he was probably hoping for a break.  I went to get my number one favorite snack CRISPS, I especially liked the sourcream flavour which I was convinced was everyone's favorite one. I had also learned that each one contained about one thousand calories so why not get some. I mean I was a 46 kilo girl, and pretty short (166 cm) so I could afford it. I put my head down when I heard the store bell ring, I moved towards the cashier with my eight bags of crisps, some candy and soda. Oh wait I almost forgot  to mention my one apple. As I moved quickly in the direction of the cashier I bumped in to something cold and wet and my glasses fell of. I looked up and it was a boy about my age (18-ish), I stared at him unable to say a word or reach down to grab my glasses. His hazel eyes hypnotizing me
"Oups, excusez-moi madame"
His voice with his hazel eyes, made my heart rate increase
"Um... Hey''
I replied quietly. He chuckled, a sweet
sound
"Hello, english?"
I nodded, He looked at me as if trying to see if he had met me somewhere before
"I don't recognise you, do you live in this neighbourhood?''
"Yes"
I answered quietly
"Strange, I know I would've rememberd someone like you''
I felt my cheeks starting to burn, how did he even know that I didn't speak french.
"Umm.. I've gotta go, family stuff''
I murmerd, I started to walk to the front of the store, his hand griped my arm softly stopping me in my tracks
"You could atleast give me you name''
I looked at him with surprise. I wanted to tell him, but why? Why did I need to tell this man specifically? His Hazel eyes met my blue one's, I stutterd
"I'm...''
He smiled, his eyes were so bright like the sun I felt like I didn't deserve to see them like they would hurt my eyes. I stared at the floor, confused why I was feeling this way
"You're?..''
His grip on my arm losend even though it was gentle to begin with and I saw my chance. I ran straight out the door my instincts taking over, my groceries fell to the floor making a subtle noise. As soon as I was out the door I started to hyperventilate, I ran past everything my vision blurry and my legs burning with exhaustion.

Suddenly I stood outside my appartment. I fumbled with my keys for a moment my hands shaking. The tears welled in my eyes and the only thing I could think was get in to the damn appartment. I walked towards my sofa. my throat burning as if someone was shoving acid down it.
"Why''
I mumbled to myself, why did I feel this. was it because he was attractive? It was like a mix of good and bad. I had wanted to stay. But I just couldn't. I was unable to breath, he literally 'took my breath away' and I still didn't get the damn groceries. I went into my room collapsing on the bed. The feeling of warm sheets and the sound of rain making me fall asleep instantly. I woke up from someone knocking on the door a bit later.

Knock knock knock

I sat up straight in bed and walked slowly towards the door, my legs still aching from before.
"Hello''
I  said peering out the small peephole
"Hello madame-..."
He looked at the box, his finger searching for a name
"-Drew, it's the postman I've got a package for you''
I chuckled to myself, don't some pornfilms start like this? I opened the door slowly and cautiously. He handed me the package with a small note in the left corner that said 'Paris Healthcare Center'. I closed the door,
stared at it for a minute before realizing what it was, my medecine. The small bottle apparently contained 30 pills. I closed the door, staring at the bottle as I went to sit down on the couch. I knew why my mom had given me these, so that I could give her granchildren some day. The reason she wanted me to take this now was just because her friend had social anxiety and didn't get rid of it before she was 36 and she didn't have kids until 43. Yes, my mom is obsessed with kids. She has a grandma instinct, cause I'm her only child and she wants to have grandchildren A LOT. I balanced a pill on the palm of my hand, inspecting it, wondering why it had such a naive blue colour the I swallowed it quickly. No flavour as expected. I relaxed a bit and after a while a kind if drunk feeling rushed over me, not taking you clothes of and dancing naked on a table drunk more of a I drank half  beer and I already feel drunk sort of feeling. I moved towards the door passing my piano. My steps echoed as I walked slowly down the stairs making me remember all those times me and my sister would sing The Beatles songs in the hallway of mom's old appartment building. We especially loved 'All My Loving'. But then again I don't know if what we did counts as singing it was more like screaming the lyrics on the top of our lungs. When I came to the bottom of the stairs I tried to put on my hood, but there was none. I had forgotten my equipment for this mission aka a hoodie and my sunglasses. I stared at the stairs, was this the pills doing? this pill really did have an affect on me so I guess it was.

•. •. •. •. •. •. •. •. •. •. •. •. •. •. •. •.

The store bell rung as entered, It was fairly empty with an old women standing by the frozen foods and an teenage boy standing by the soda cans. I looked at the boys brown hair, where had I seen that before? He turned around, it was the boy from yesterday. He looked at me, his reserved look turning into a smile.
"Well, you came back huh?"
He chuckled
"And I see you left your hoodie at home"
I stared at him unable to respond
"You never told me your name"
He said walking closer, I opened my mouth and tried not to look at him
"It's Talia"
His eyebrows rose
"My name's Chris"
"So Talia, do you wanna go for a coffee some time?"
I felt by cheeks starting to burn even tough the rest of my body was ice cold
"Umm, I don't know"
I said now looking at him, he bit his lip
"You know what, here, think about it"
He took a shriveled up paper from his pocket and wrote his number on it. He looked at me smiling playfully
"Bye Talia"
His french accent sent shivers down my spine. He disappeared behind the shelves but his scent still lingered in the air, it smelled like the forrest in Sweden on a rainy day. I stood there for a minute before realizing what I had just done. I talked to a boy, a real life boy and not only that ,he gave me his number. I could already see my mom dancing around her kitchen in Sweden, echstatic that I had finally talked to someone other than Abela and Diana. Otherwise known as my sister and my friend from middleschool. I smiled a feeling of warmth collecting in my chest. Now I only need to figure out when to call him...

The Beatles - All My Loving

I thought some might want to have a listen :)

And also sometimes when the character is supposed to be/speak French I write in English. (It's easier that way)