(A story that Kaitlyn Skewes and I made. Please keep in mind that this is not a full story, but just the unique and interesting point of veiw of one of our characters, Uke Ino.
A boy who has been braindead since birth.)
Chapter 2
Uke
There is a story that my mother tells me every night, ever since the first time my brother had told me it when I was little. Fragments have only been heard every night through my dead ears, but I strained to listen closer, and feel the emotion through the stories as I could only lie there and yearn for more. I have pieced it together.
This story… of a big, grey egg rolling into a duck’s nest. The mother duck loved all of her children, except the one who had come from the grey egg, which was told to be as ugly as it’s hatchment. It was bigger then the baby ducks, and more clumsy with a habit of accidentally getting into all of the other barnyard animal’s errands. In doing so, he was given a cruel name; The Ugly Duckling.
Having been given much verbal and physical abuse from the other animals, he sadly wandered off from the farm to live off on his own- knowing that nobody would want to shelter or take care of such an ugly creature.
Many seasons had past, and The Ugly Duckling eventually had come across a spring pond- where many beautiful white birds where swimming and chattering. As he watched them spread their white wings, the water and sun reflecting their beauty- he realizes that it would be better off to be killed by these glorious birds then rather live a life of being shamefully ugly.
As he threw himself out at them, he was shocked to see that they turn out to accept and welcome him. Through confusion, he had turned his face to the water, only to see the reflection of a beautiful white bird staring back with shining black eyes like a delicate porcelain doll’s.
He now understands that he had never been a duck, but a gorgeous swan; and flies away with his new family.
I have never known the freedom of flying. Not by the fact that I am only human, but by the instinct of never being able to move through out my entire life.
My name is Uke Ino, and I am brain dead.
Or at least, supposedly to normal people. You see, I might not be able to connect with the outer world, but I have my own unique mindset. This mindset allowed me to believe that there was nothing wrong with my life- and that I was happy child living with a normal family consisting of my parents and an older brother named Ai.
In my mindset- I knew that I was brain dead, although I couldn’t interface whatever It could be like. It was actually easier to dream up my own world rather then stay in reality and take guesses to what people in my room were saying, images on my walls, the touch of my own bed sheets… I even had to second-guess myself on what each and every member of my family looked like- sounded like…and even the texture of their warm hands whenever they held mine.
At first, my world had been a dark one when I was younger, and I was afraid of it.
It was like floating in black space. Unproportional black space with no ending-and no stars- with only a one-pointed view of the deep black all around me… It seemed unreasonable to think it aloud, but my world had been darker then black. A million shades darker. My older brother was the one to chip into the window between my dark world and reality… I remember the day clearly. The day he had held my hand- my first break of warmth. He told me this story of the Ugly Duckling- and even though my dead ears could only hear bits and pieces, my heart had been listening entirely to this new voice in my world- a voice of peace and love that seemed to make the dark become pure light.
And then he told me. “Your name is Uke Ino.”
It was like somebody had shattered the glass with a baseball bat; light pouring into this dark world of a million shades of grey. I was shown every color of the rainbow, every word and symbol of the Japanese language- even the smaller details such as the leaves on tree’s, or that cherry on top.
All because I understood my name. I could understand the mumbles that had been locked out for so very long by simply straining in now.
I remember Ai shouting for my mother to run into the room, because my dead eyes had sparked- and I had began crying in my sleep of eternity. I couldn’t remember the rest however… my spirit was busy watching the veil unfold. My veil opening up to my mindset- where I thought I could imagine in my world for the rest of my life.
I occasionally tuned back into the real world from my imaginary one to listen into my mother’s Ugly Duckling story, or maybe for a discussion my mother and father have in my room, even for a visit from Ai, who in my understanding, is off in college now.
The beautiful world of my mindset thrived with all color- and night did not exist, neither shadows that the evening sky would cast about. The sky would set, only to rise back up to create a new day in a new morning. My imaginary world was every color of a child’s spinning color wheel, striving for a universe of everlasting color and glory. It was purged of the dark I was- and now still am- afraid of. In my ideal world, black does not exist.
I am happy here, but I hold something close to shame in my heart. My world is fake. My laughter is fake, my smiles are fake. This caused my imaginary world to dim down as I had realized this over quite some time; fake.
I try hard not to darken it. The imaginary world could become my own living nightmare if it becomes like my own world before the veil was opened.
I often had felt that If I tried to squeeze through the window that Ai had shattered… that I would be able to open up into reality, and live life to my fullest in real life- like other children had.
But there was problems. Like a single hit to a mirror, not all the pieces fall away. There are still chips and shards that do not allow passageway, so in other words- these shards that remain in the window do not allow me to pass from my imaginary mindset into reality. I feel as if fate wanted it that I would never be able to break the remaining pieces on my own, but to only have the people from the outside be able to shatter the rest. Each glass piece fallen makes me closer to healing-or it seems- and makes me feel as if I could one day have hopes of leaving my place of fiction to be reunited with my family in the real world.
My dream world of color defying dark was a lonely one.
Too have to guess what each family member looks like, and pixeling them into my mindset had always been discouraging; as I also planned all sides of the average family conversation. The talks at the dinner table were as fake as the people discussing them.
Honestly, I can’t help just feeling upset, desperate.. And helpless. I tune into the real world more constantly now- trying hard to open my dead mouth and say something. Anything.
So that they know I am here.
Alive.
But no matter how much I suffer and beg, the shards do not move out of my window. I cannot budge through and be with my father, my mother, or finally get the chance to meet my older brother- the one who literally means the entire world to me for awakening my veil. Ai.
I live in shame. Disappointment. You do not know how badly I want to be existent.. Real.
Find my purpose hiding behind a mask, and have the ability to fly away;
Much like the Ugly Duckling had.
***
