Donnie's Thoughts

Losing My Mind

I cant think clearly anymore.Its like someone has redirected my train of thought. Every time I'm working on a project or I'm doing some research, my mind drifts off into a different world. And when I finally resurface from my ravine of thoughts, I cant seem to remember what I was doing before. This coming 'n going event that takes place annoys me to no end. Yet when it does occur I feel my mind escape me and nothing but bliss overcomes me. I soon started to allow the day dreams consume me and rather enjoyed them.The feeling was incredible; I felt almost powerful and could do almost anything.

Its starting to get worst. I cant concentrate,I zone out a lot, and my family has noticed as well. At first my brothers would have confused looks on their faces then would later pester me about it. Now they would give me knowing or smug looks when ever I drift off. My father, though, is just as awful as my brothers. He dragged me off to the side to have a talk with me about my behavior. That's when I choked and ended up spilling my guts out to him.

I told him how I cant seem to keep my mind off the beautiful angel who has stolen my heart. Well, I didn't tell him exactly that, I told him I couldn't concentrate on my work or training because of my HUGE crush on April. *sigh* Oh, April. With her silky smooth hair, her crystal blue eyes that sparkle with excitement, her cute button nose, her rosy cheeks that are sprinkled with her adorable freckles, and her beautiful smile that brightens any room that she walks in..I could go on and on about how wonderful, NO!, how extraordinary April is but that would take eternity.

Anyways, my father told me its wonderful for me to find love but it can be a great distraction during battle. I must learn to control and keep my feelings for April at bay.Its not like I lose my focus during an actual battle. But, of course, my father is always right. If I start to zone out going into battle I could endanger my brothers and myself. I would never forgive myself if anything were to happen to any of my brothers. I couldn't live with the weight of guilt on me if something were to happen. All because of my idiotic notion of April actually considering to go out with me.

Yet, I still dream of one day working up the courage to walk up to April asking for a date. I came up with millions of scenarios of what would happen if I ever do attempt the impossible. For example, if I ask her she would get angry at me and would never speak to me again. Or she would say no and our friendship would be jeopardized. My brothers could also get in the way and make me look like a complete moron. Mikey can ruin the moment by pelting April and I with water balloons. Leo would "try to save me" and make up a lame excuse so that I wouldn't have a chance to ask her. And Raph, he would tease and mock me nonstop until I finally give up on trying to ask April out.

Yet, why wouldn't April consider on going out on a date with me? I am very intelligent, I built most of my equipment, like my laptop, out of old parts and whatever I happen to find that gets washed down the sewers. I am also nice, caring , and a great listener. But I could see the real reason why she wouldn't want to give me a chance. It's because I'm a mutant turtle. Why would she chose me over having a normal life with a normal guy?

Even though these thoughts corrupt my mind every single day, I still have hope. I will work my hardest to get my chance with April. Wow, I think I'm losing my mind. All because of the sweet beautiful creature named April O'Neal.