Twisted Story of My Life

Chapter Five

Alyssa got worried about me when I told her about Mr. Brusque. She thinks I have totally gone nuts. I get this weird feeling that she somehow pities me for not having a boyfriend. To top it off she now has less time for me since she and Tom are already officially a couple and they do spend a lot of quality time together.

After our graduation in April last year, I did (more of thought of) odd things like really considering what Zeke told me... to just stay with him. I wanted to test the waters if we would work still if I did that. I was willing to sacrifice. Secretly I searched for jobs there and went to about three interviews. The third one almost got me but a few days before signing the contract I got a call from Alyssa telling me that she would be starting to work in an ad agency at Makati. She also said that she was waiting for me and she would gladly share her condo unit with me. As working in the city is my dream too, I felt a sudden determination to fulfill that. After all, Zeke had so much time to run after me but he never did; I thought to myself. All I am saying here is, Alyssa need not pity me. I have been through worse after the break up. I have been through that hanging moment, of being uncertain whether to fulfill the dream or to please the love of my life. And I survived. It made me strong.

I do not know how Alyssa got me into this but hey I am preparing for a blind date. She and Tom set me up for a double date with his colleague. I was looking at my reflection. I am wearing a peach knee length dress with spaghetti straps. The accent is a blue Swarovski necklace with a heart pendant also made of Swarovski crystals hanging just above the neckline. I wanted to look simple but not too plain.

"You sure this is such a good idea?" I asked Alyssa. I am admiring her silently. She is wearing an orange tube dress that hugged her chest and waist and flowed down just above her knees.

"Yes. Better because you will be spending time with a real person and not just wasting hours continuing your dream in search for that Mr. Brusque," She answered rolling her eyes.

"Whatever," I retorted as I also rolled my eyes. I was lost for words in explaining what I feel deep inside. I am afraid that my best friend would not even support me on this. That she would rain on my parade. But how can she even use the word wasting...? I wondered. I never considered my dreams and thoughts about Mr. Brusque as wasting time. They somehow felt real. Like an omen that I have something to look forward to. I almost feel my heart skip a beat sometimes. Now I feel stupid for entertaining these thoughts.

So here we are now at California Pizza Kitchen for the double date which will start five minutes from now. I was making a tally in my mind, good vs. bad. One for good since this is one of my favorite pizza and pasta places. Though probably, it was Alyssa who suggested but then again he, whoever he is, agreed. I was kind of giddy. I mean, what if I did not like the looks of the guy or the impression he makes. Not that I am judgmental but that is how attraction starts. Unless of course two people started out as friends and later on developed deeper feelings for each other. Could I just run away like now? Okay, I know I just can't.

So we got in and... wait, am I seeing things? Have I imagined too much? Mr. Brusque is seated on one side sipping his juice, and seems like he is waiting for his companion, or companions, us. Could that be him? I was trying to catch Alyssa's attention by patting her shoulder but she just glanced at me and smiled. As I was about to put a thousand points in my mental tally board under good since the man of my dreams is my blind date, I saw each point disappearing as we were walking past his table. And now I realized that such coincidence is only possible in movies or novels. Not in my pathetic sorry life.

I sat quietly. It turned out that he sent Tom a message that he just got in the parking lot. I was busy watching Mr. Brusque's every move. I find him cool. He is wearing a body hugging black shirt and his Oakley sunglasses resting on top of his head. I could not help but envy the closeness of his shirt to him. Have I gone too far? I am tempted to get my cellphone and perhaps take a few pictures of him. Bright idea! As I was fishing for my phone in my LV bag, Alyssa clasped my hand as if signaling that he is here. Argh! The timing!

There he is. He is all smiles. Not bad at all. He is tall, has black wavy hair, yellowish white skin, and a very cute smile. I am waiting for the catch. He couldn't be perfect. Blind dating couldn't be perfect. I will wait for him to speak... he could actually sound like a cockroach. Hmm...

"Alex, this is Richard. Richard, Alex," Tom introduced us to each other. We briefly shook each other's hand and smiled coyly.

"And this is my girlfriend, Alyssa," Tom said beaming at my best friend. They look happy and in love.

Richard's speaking voice is okay. The actual catch is I looked distracted the whole time. Maybe they are thinking that I am nervous because of the set-up. All I do is nod, smile, shake my head, and say yes or no. Alyssa would constantly elbow me or clasp my thigh below the table to get my attention. Of course, now I do not think it would be a good idea that I tell Alyssa that I am acting such because I just saw a girl giving my dream boy a kiss on the cheek before sitting beside him. How can he like her? Her earrings could be my choker. And her neckline, if I strained my neck a little I know I could see what is behind that skimpy plunging top of hers. She is lucky I could not see her face clearly or else I would have known that she is not worth his time. Since when did I become a stalker? A bitter stalker. Gosh! And I am doing it now when I am supposed to be mingling with my own date.

When I tuned in back to my "date", they were already talking about having coffee at Starbucks. No problem with me; I went with them. Perhaps, I could redeem my beautiful self from looking stupid if I actually join in their conversation this time.

The coffee date was better. Richard was fun to be with I realized. He has too many stories to share, stories that are not boring. He could actually easily make us all laugh.

He looks at me intently when I talk and smiles at every sentence, or perhaps phrase, I deliver. Talk about being overly polite. But I actually enjoyed it this time, maybe because my distraction was not in the picture anymore. But no, in all fairness to Richard, I enjoyed it because I got good company, a good date if I may call it so. But it does not guaranty that I am ready for something serious. At least my brain thinks so. Let us find out with my dear heart later.

Being a real gentleman, Richard offered me a ride home. It was like only a ten minute drive. He got my number before I went out of the car. I was surprised that he even walked me to the elevator. He gave me a friendly hug before I took the elevator going up.

"Thanks," was all I could mutter before the elevator door closed.

---

After taking a quick shower and changing to pajamas, I heard Alyssa knocking at my door.

I opened the door and she entered. She sat on the couch. She is still wearing her dress. So she went directly to my room after Tom drove her home. Must be excited to ask me how I find the date.

"So, how do you like Richard?" Alyssa asked smiling at me.

"Well, he is a nice guy. He is a gentleman and he is really funny," I said hugging one of my heart pillows.

"So?" Alyssa asked again.

"That's it. I am afraid I am not yet ready for something serious. Not that I am not ready because I am not over yet but I am not ready because I am still enjoying my life now. Too much to explore. We'll just see if something blossoms though," I said looking at Alyssa who was listening intently.

"Fair enough. I understand. But you have been through a lot. I hope it is not the guilt of your break up that is haunting you. Good night then," Alyssa said giving me a good night kiss on the forehead.

---

Alyssa's parting words kept ringing in my head before I went to sleep. "I hope it is not the guilt of your break up that is haunting you." Having said that maybe it is really still haunting me. I mean there are still what ifs. And I guess there was not really a closure.

But all I know is I am not yet ready to see Zeke again even if he would want that closure. Not now. Not yet.