How to Lose your Best Friend

♢XXXI♢

Blair

"Do you want to be friends with benefits?" I asked Eagle over text. I thought that taking romance off the table would protect our friendship.

"No," was the straightforward answer I received. No emojis, no other words. Just no.

"Why not?" I asked curiously.

"Why the hell would I want to be?" She responded sounding a bit upset.

"Since we can't date I thought that having a physical relationship would be the next best thing," I answered hoping to change her mind.

"Blair, that's some of the dumbest shit you've ever said. Please shut up and never mention friends with benefits ever again," she said ending the conversation.

I doubted that the conversation we had meant anything to her. We talked about random topics all the time and she never seemed to care. Turns out she seemed to care a lot. When I went to knock on her window that night I received no response. I looked through the window to find her asleep. She never falls asleep on me.

No matter how long I made her wait she always seemed to stay awake just for me. Sure she'd be drifting off from time to time but she never legit fell asleep on me. Another thing that struck me as unusual was that she was in her bed. If she ever did fall asleep on me I always imagined her dozing off with her guitar in hand. Seeing that she was in her bed was a pretty good reminder that she chose not to wait for me. It wasn't like she accidentally fell asleep.

I unhatched her window to find that it was the slightest loose. I took that as my opportunity to crack it open just enough for me to slide myself inside. I head to her bed to confirm that she was definitely sound asleep.

I slipped under the covers my face inches away from hers and all the things haunting my mind seemed to hit me at once. What did I do wrong? Was it because I wanted to friends with benefits? I'm sure that wasn't it though. Why would she get so bent out of shape just from that? Was it a build up of things? All the things I wanted to hide...all the things I wanted to say I mean, began to come out.

"Eagle, I love you. I just can't stand the thought of losing you. I'm scared that we'll lose everything we have and I just can't risk that. I care about you far too much to let you go that easily. I'd never been able to tell you this while you were actually listening but at least I can say it to your face. As I tell you this I could feel your heartbeat increase. It's probably just a coincidence but it shows me that maybe just maybe a part of you was listening," I confessed to the girl caught in a deep sleep next to me. She probably hasn't had a decent amount of sleep ever since she's been waiting up for me so she definitely deserved it.

I woke up to Eagle's sleeping face. It made me smile until I remembered how screwed up the previous day went. I tried to shake my thoughts off as I savored the moment of being next to Eagle realizing that I wouldn't get another anytime soon. I shouldn't show up to her house when I know I'm not welcome and I definitely shouldn't have crawled into her bed while she was sleeping.

I knew that everything I was doing was wrong but I just couldn't help myself. I began to drift off, my thoughts becoming mere daydreams. I opened my eyes just the smallest bit hoping that the light peeking out from behind the window would wake me up. The first image to appear in my peripheral vision were Eagle's lips moving closer to mine. I could feel the bed shift as she leaned closer to me planting her lips onto mine. I was delighted for about a second before something hit me. Our kiss was dull, Unlike our others. When the kiss was over we looked into each other's eyes. I couldn't tell what hers were saying but I knew that they wanted me to leave.

I threw the covers off of me as I ran out of the window I'd unlocked the night before. Tears rushed down my cheeks as the memory of our kiss replayed in my mind. It had no emotion, and it was unwanted. Just as my mother described a last kiss would be.