Where Is The Sun?

He's gone...But I am born...

He was gone...The man I trusted the most.Lost to the beast titan throwing stones.Why didn't I choose him?
Even though he refused the serum,I wanted to bring him back.He knew what he was doing as a Commander.
Even though Armin may be like him,He is still not Erwin to me.
I just kept going.
My heavy gear around my waist,I continued to fight the titans that the beast titan had brought.
What am I doing?After just sitting near his body on that hard rooftop.
The hard surface imprinting against my legs through my white colored pants.
Now,Doing nothing but throwing hooks onto these large creatures that devour the innocent and slicing their napes off with these blades.
I just felt as if there was no hope anymore now that Erwin was gone.
It was all useless to me now.
Fire burned in the town nearby.
The sun was going down.
Already 18 of these titans were dead as they kept running towards me after Zeke promised to make sure I die.
Why did they hate us Erwin?
Mike,Why would they want to destroy us?
The heartbreaking sight of fallen soldiers lying on the ground,their blood soaking the soil.Now flowers will grow there one day.
When this was all over,That's when they'll grow and bloom.
Bringing a new beautiful life.
But sure...I was never going to enjoy it.Though the cadets will...
"Erwin is in danger...",I could hear Floch shouting to me that very moment.
Seeing him.The heartbreaking feel of seeing him leaned against Floch' s back.
Erwin...Why did you leave me...?
Mike...Why couldn't I die in your place...To see how beautiful the world may be.

Why do I call this all as part of the ideal that Zeke may have been working for?
I don't know if it's because I lost so many whom I could trust and depend on.
First...My mom.I never knew my father...Or who he was.
All I could remember is that Mother said my father was a man by the name of Jakob,But he thought she was Rachel,Mother's sister whom she will never remembered but did meet.
I never knew whom Aunt Rachel was.
Or if she looked like Mother.

Farlan and Isabel.
I felt the morning sun when those two were around.
If I return to the place where they died,I can feel their spirits there.
Cheering me on.And I appreciated it from them.
Isabel,Farlan,What would it be like if you were both still here?
But I learned to not regret the losses.
The losses from my comrades.

My entire squad.
Eld,Gunther,Oluo and Petra.
I would often hear Oluo and Petra bickering.
Oluo was quite annoying trying to act and look like me.Perhaps he had a reason.
A reason I will never know anymore.
Eld,I wondered if he had someone important in his life next to his family.
I may never know...But...As I sigh...I wish I could've met his family...
Gunther seemed to be a man easy to get along with.He trusted me as his Captain and Squad Leader.

Petra,Why were you yelling at Oluo?
I appreciate your admiration.But I wondered what Oluo was doing to get you so upset.

My squad,Erwin felt that he's responsible for your deaths including Farlan' s and Isabel' s.
But I felt as if it was all actually me in the first place.
Forgive me,Farlan and Isabel,And my fallen comrades who watch us from your seats in the heavens,But Mike,Nanaba,Henning,Lynne,Gelgar.

If you can hear me.

Please forgive for being unable to save you.

Erwin,Mike,Farlan,Isabel,My squad...
Nanaba.Henning.Lynne,Gelgar.My comrades.
Again,Please forgive,Even though you dedicated your hearts for humanity...

I felt as if I made you suffer such a horrible fate.

If only I could go back and save you all,I'd rather have the titans,And if they must,But have them harm me instead.

As I continued fighting them on.
I didn't bother replacing my blades for my swords as they were starting to worn in.

There was still more titans running around the abandoned buildings.

As I fired another hook,
The cables were no longer supporting my weight to fly.

I fall to the hard stone road.

Wincing to the pain in my back.
It fell as if I broke my spine for the first time.

I was expecting a titan to come after me and devour my body.

Being in the Valley of the shadow of death,I felt as if I was almost there.

I don't know how Hanji will react if she finds out that I suddenly disappeared.

Not knowing if I was killed in action or went missing in action.

I felt as if I had already lived this lifetime.

As the sky went dark.

Was it nightime already?

Why was a butterfly flying towards me?

As it landed on the point of my nose.

What was happening?

Am I going to die?
Could my heart not take the sharp pain in my spine?

The butterfly flapped it wings covering my eyes.

It wouldn't leave.
Did it like me or something?

Was I really there?

In the Valley Of The Shadow Of Death?

I accepted my fate,But I don't know if I was really dying.

My memories came running back to me.

As I thought they were here.

Whether or not I will be known as the hero of my own life.
But now...
I could give it to Mike.

I could hear wooshing.

I couldn't move.
It was like I was having sleep paralysis.

At the corner of my eye.
There was an odd figure in the shape of a man.

About 7 feet tall.
It's cloak the color of black.

Was it death?

Ye though I walk through the Valley in the shadow of death...
I shall fear no evil.

The man in the cloak turned.

I knew he was turning to me.

My eyes widen with fear.

I never felt so scared before.
Ever...

His voice sounded demonic as he spoke.

I looked into his hood,There was nothing but black.

"Don't worry...",He said,"For I am not here to harm you..."

The butterfly's wings were still covering my eyes.

As it uncovered my eyes.

Revealing the day sky.

How did I get here?

Why was I here?

Why did the world seem so peaceful all of a sudden?

I remembered one thing.

He's gone...

But why am I here?

Where am I?

Was this heaven?

I could see the buildings that were built behind Wall Rose.

I am born...