Mind Monsters: Living in Wonderland, the Place of Lies

Mind Monsters

Lies do not occur in a vacuum. They don't appear out of nothing. And the best ones carry just enough truth to make them appear plausible. They often have roots in our childhood. Abusive childhood experiences are fertile ground in which the enemy can sow the seeds of lies. Seeds that eventually blossom not into trees but into fierce dragons that devour the truth.

While childhood abuse is a common source of lies any injustice at any time can birth lies. Most of the lies we carry with us are the result of Satan exploiting injustices in our lives. A women who's husband leaves her for a younger woman may begin to believe she is unlovable. A man who is fired from a long time job may begin to believe the lie the he is worthless. No matter when they begin or how the begin these lies quickly become dragons that roam our minds incinerating truth wherever they find it.

I know this because those dragons lived in my mind for most of my life. They grew out of my childhood. I was molested by my uncle from age 8 to 14. Two to three weekends a month my mother would drop me off at his house to spend the day. I came to feel trapped after my mother dismissed my complaints over the gay porn my uncle showed me early on as "that's just your silly uncle," and my doctor ignored the obvious physical signs.

I now call that period of my life the years I spent in wonderland but far from being a delightful place as the name may imply it was a dreadful place. A place filled with betrayal and fear. A place where lies became truth. A place where people were not as they seemed to be. A place where those who should protect you, hurt you. A place filled with people yet a place of isolation. A place where unexpected events were dominated by unnatural, cruel events. A place where it takes unimaginable courage to survive. A place of war. A place no one would choose to go. A place that even if you escape from it, you never leave it. What was done to me, as depraved as it was, was not as significant as what happened to me. The difference is subtle but important. What was done to me ended years ago, but what happened to me . . .well . . . I carried that with me for a life time.

Like me all too many children spend time in a wonderland. Each wonderland is different, mine was no worst or no better than that of any other child. But the story of any child that has escaped wonderland is universally the same as my story. It is the story of surviving an injustice only to fall prey to the lies of the enemy

The events that I experienced in wonderland were out of my control, though later in life I would come to believe I had some control that somehow I willingly entered and participated in everything that went on. Even though I found a way out of wonderland I was never free of it. I carried the effects of that place for almost 50 years. What gave it such power, a life of it's own, was the fact it infected my mind with monsters. It was an infection I carried out with me when I escaped wonderland. These monsters were born in wonderland but they thrived in the real world. Kevin Gerald appropriately calls them mind monsters but for me understand and overcome them I needed to visualize them. I needed to give them names. I needed to touch them, smell them, hear them. I needed to understand how they work, how they grow and ultimately how they can be destroyed. I needed to give them life, so I could kill them. So I called them dragons of the mind because that created an image I could understand.

These dragons breathe a fire that turns truth to ashes. They step on the dreams of my future and by their shear weight crush them. The longer they remain the stronger more powerful they become as any untreated infection is prone to do. They hide in the dark forest coming out when they sense a threat to their dominion. They have been at constant war with God's image of myself. They changed my perception of who I am until very little of the real me remained. They are covered with scales of armor that make them almost invincible. Their one weakness is a place in their throat where the fire is produced. That place is not covered by scales and if pierced enough times with the truth will burst open reducing the dragon to ashes. This is the way I choose to give a picture, a name, a purpose, a strength, a life and a weakness to my mind monsters. This is the way I came to understand the eternal battle for my mind, recognize the power of lies and ultimately find the source of truth.