My Saviour. (Jillian Jensen FanFiction)

New Day- New anxieties

I knew I would have to struggle throughout the next day at school, with Jillian on my mind and it broke my heart thinking that such a beautiful young woman went through such hurt and sorrow.

When Laycie and I got to school- I walked to first period, with my headphones in, drowning out those around me. I believed that it was the world around me that hurt me the most. My teacher walks by me...

"Charlotte, where's your homework from last night?"

"What homework Mr. P?"

"The math homework- what else. You're in math class."

"I completely forgot about the homework Mr. P, can I get it to you by the end of the day?"

"No Charlotte- this is completely unacceptable. This is getting out of hand. That's 5 missing homeworks this month. You have a two hour detention in my classroom tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? Tomorrow is Friday, and I have plans."

"Guess you don't have plans anymore except to show up here at 2:30."

I'm exhausted enough from last night's episode of the X Factor, I really can't be bothered with anybody else's shit anymore. I was totally drowning out what he continued saying... I mean all I really needed to know about was that I had a detention tomorrow after school.

Of all days I could get a detention- it had to be on a Friday night. I mean- I didn't really have plans except having Laycie over, but still... detention can suck my fucking dick. well... if I had one.

As Mr. P kept rambling on, all I focused on was the music that was playing in my ears- Jillian Jensen's audition from last night. She has such strong emotion in her voice that I start to tear up in the middle of math class and one of my friends, Jacob looks over to me, shakes my by my shoulder and asks me if I was okay. I wipe under my eyes and slightly nod my head, as if saying "Yeah, I guess so."

He then leans over into his backpack and took out his phone, typed something and set it facedown on his desk. Not long after, my phone buzzes saying a have a new text message from 'JDawg.'

I open the message... it reads:

"I know you're not okay. Meet me after school at the coffee shop down the street and we'll talk then."

I would talk to him... only he doesn't know about anything I've been through- everything I've done. And I don't want him to leave me... like my other friends did.

Seventh period Health ended with me in tears too, as we discussed depression and eating disorders, while I listened to Jillian's audition again today- for probably the 10th time. It shatters my heart more and more every time I hear that point in the song where she says "Don't lose who you are" and her voice cracks as if saying, "I've broken myself down too many times for things. This is my life. I can do what I will to fix it. And this is it. This is what I kept going for."

I exit the classroom and meet Laycie by her car. Telling her to drop me off at the coffee shop on her way home because I was meeting Jacob there at 2:45.

I enter the coffee shop, saying hello to the Blake the cashier and the owner of the shop. He brings over my usual vanilla soy latté, asking me how I've been, I reply with "fine" even though I know I haven't been lately.

I sit at the table, sipping on my coffee, looking down at my clean wrist... scars faded and veins bright blue. Right then I realize how bad my thoughts have been getting again... thoughts of suicide running through my head more and more often. Even though I have Jillian, a girl from TV for god sake keeping me strong, I still have no idea how much longer I'll be able to handle this...

I continue looking at my wrist, tracing my opposite thumb over where the shallow cuts used to be as Jacob pulls the chair out in front of me.

"Hey, Char..." he says in almost a whisper.

I figured that I should pep up my mood so he doesn't ask me any questions that I'll regret answering later...

"Hey!" I answer with a smile as wide as can be.

"So... uh. I noticed you were kinda down in maths this morning... and I got kinda worried."

"Oh yeah, J don't worry, honestly. I've just been stressed a lot, considering I'm almost failing his class, plus I have a detention tomorrow. That's really it. I promise." When I made that promise, I made sure I had my fingers crossed- because in my heart... I just knew that suicide had been on my mind all day... and that school didn't bother me at all.

"Oh okay- I mean as long as you're not cutting yourself or anything" He says almost falling out of his chair laughing.

Oh if he only fucking knew. My best friend. If only he knew...