Stay With Me (boyXboy)

-13-

*Lucas*

I stood there staring at the priest as he delivered the speech about one of my best friends. It was the day of Nate’s funeral and emotions were running high. I was so sure that he was going to beat it again. But I guess I was wrong. It was hard to think of a world without Nate. We had ghosted through a week of no Nate. It still didn’t seem real. I didn’t want to believe it. I just wanted to wake up and this past week had been a dream. No. A nightmare.

After the funeral, we all went to a big hall that his parents rented out. I didn’t think this would be what Nate would have wanted. He’d want it to be intimate. I swear half of these people didn’t really know Nate. But this was not a day to criticise everything… I was here for Nate… not for the other people.

After it had everything was over. We went home. Trying to continue our life as if the one we loved didn’t die. As if he never came into our lives at all. It was a coping method we had developed. We hadn’t meant to. It was just too painful to think about.

The weeks passed and we healed. Well kind of. It got better. And by that I mean I wasn’t crying every night. Jaxon and I had been inspired to start living our lives by ourselves. So we were getting apartments. We decided against living together because we wanted a bit of space. The only downside is that now we lived across the other side of town from each other.

I came home to get the last few things so that I can finally begin my independent life. When I walked through the door I found my dad naked, on the stairs with some other man. I felt sick. I couldn’t believe that my own father betrayed my trust like that.

That was the day that I swore off guys, I couldn’t bear the thought anymore.

I couldn’t tell Jax about this. He would hate me. We were growing apart as it is. I don’t want him to think that I was using him.

I couldn’t think straight; maybe I was using Jax and Nate. I didn’t want to think of it this way. But what if my thoughts and conclusions were right, what if I was just using them. I didn’t want him to think that though.

So I went to the only person I could think of, Nate. Well his grave anyway. I made sure I took flowers and asked him how he was. I knew he wouldn’t answer but it was nice to feel like I was talking to my best friend again.