Blackout

Possessions

I gasped for air as I opened my eyes,I was sweating profusely,my cheeks were stained with my tears..
I could still feel the piercing pain in my chest as if the knife was still in there,I placed a shaky hand over my chest to look for the hilt which might be sticking out of it but couldn't find anything.I sighed in relief..I was alive.Breathing.
As unlivable my life was,I still loved it,I still feared the death..
It was just a nightmare..just a really bad nightmare and nothing else.

Moments passed and I wiped my tearful  eyes from the back of my hand and looked around to find myself in familiar surroundings.I was in the living room,laying on top of that old and dusty sofa which had been there as long as I had lived.The ceiling now had crackes and patches everywhere and sometimes I feared that it might collapse but it was holding on somehow..just like I was..

I sat up and looked around,there was no trace of my father,maybe he had gone to the bar again..I stood up..well at least I tried to..this intense throbbing in my head that I didn't notice earlier forced me to lie down again.I squeezed my eyes shut and took few deep breaths and tried standing up again and this time I was successful.

I went to my room,took some painkillers and opened my secret drawer with the key I always kept with me as a locket.Inside of it were the most precious possession of mine.My diary,Gordon's letters and a photograph..

Photograph of my mother smiling through her hairs,paddling on the beach..she wore a red sundress.One hand pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear and the other caressing her baby bump.She was a brunette like me and had a slender figure.With her hooked nose,big blue eyes and high cheekbones,she looked quite pleasant.I resembled her quite well.The only difference was that she was tall,almost 5'8,and I was really short in comparison.

Her death was still a mystery to me.Whenever I asked my father about it he just glared at me and screamed that it was my fault..he even hit me sometimes..and so I stopped asking.I had stared at the picture for a trillionth time now but still I could feel tears stinging the corner of my eyes,threatening to spill over..