Totally random one-shot that came to mind one day. Poor Xavy.
---------------------------------------------
Devon is a completely straight, very confident and self-assured blue collar worker. He dates women all the time. He loves them. Boobs and vagina are A-okay in his book. He's that straight, you know?
Until he gets black-out drunk. Then completely straight turns a bit into:
"Okay, but is it okay I kind of want Tom Hiddleston to talk dirty to me?"
"No homo but, like, Brad Pitt is sooo hot. I bet his dick is huge."
And
"Like, not to make this weird or anything, but I'd kind of let you do anything you want to my body. Like, handcuff and whips cream, the works, dude, anything you want. Just whip out your dick and I'd sit on it right now."
The last one is what Xavier, his bisexual co-worker, seems to hear the most from him. Devon never fails to say it when he's dragging his barely functioning body to his apartment. The problem with the last one is that Xavier would never touch someone who couldn't even walk straight. It's morally wrong.
The other problem is that Devon would never say that while sober. Because he's that straight, you know?
Another problem appeared one Friday night. Xavier watched quietly while Devon drank and ranted and bragged and drank. He wasn't quite sure what he saw in this kid other than a man with potential to be a fantastic twink. He was too arrogant, too loud, too utterly obnoxious, yet Xavier found him adorable.
He would say like a lost puppy but he didn't want to fuck a lost puppy.
"Hey there," a smooth, soft voice purred into his ear, "You look lonely."
Xavier turned around and stared at a perfect specimen of twink, tight clothes and self-awareness included.
For a second, Xavier thought about taking him home. It'd be the first time he got laid since Devon started following him around like the puppy he absolutely wouldn't fuck. But then he felt a head rest on his shoulder and realize that he was definitely an idiot.
Xavier sighed, "Sorry, I'm taking care of my friend here."
The twink barely glanced at Devon before he let his hand slide down Xavier's arm. "He'll be fine. He looks like a big boy to me."
"Yeah, he looks like one. Sure as hell doesn't act like one." Xavier realized only a second after saying that that he sounded too fond. Like an idiot who's letting a straight guy tug his heart in any direction.
"Xavy," Devon whined, "Xavy, who you talkin' to? Talk to meeee."
The twink rolled his eyes and finally deemed Devon worth glancing at. Only to gasp and say accusingly, "Devon Beckett? What the hell are you doing here?"
Devon looked up, mouth open as he looked at the twink. He moved his mouth slowly as he thought, traversing the sludge in his head to grasp a name and when he caught it, he grinned, "Peter Parker!"
"Francis Parker," the twink corrected irritably. "You put me through hell in high school, you could at least learn my name."
"Heyyy there, Franny," Devon leaned over and touched Francis' chest drunkenly. "Ya look good. You still gay?"
Francis huffed, "Yes. Are you still going to harass me for it?"
"Hey, hey, bro," Devon grabbed his shirt and pulled him forward to stare him in the eyes. "I'm sorry." Francis was visibly shocked. Devon let go of him and continued sullenly, "I was a dick. But, but, I just wanted some cock too, ya know? But my dad would have beaten the shit out of me. So, I was mad at you."
Xavier stared at Devon in shock. He never really thought about why Devon only said this stuff when he was drunk. But that was a pretty good motivation to keep the 'completely straight' persona on while sober.
"But I'm tryin'," Devon continued, "See this is my best friend, Xavier," He hugged Xavier's waist and kissed his cheek. "One day, I'mma get his cock in me."
Xavier blinked at him, "Wait, what?"
"That's why I became friends with you," Devon said, as if that should have been obvious.
"Wait... is this whole friendship just a weird way of flirting with me?"
Devon said cluelessly, "Yeah. Isn't that how guys flirt with each other?"
Xavier's eyebrows rose to his hairline, "I don't think so. I really don't."
Francis sighed, "You really haven't gotten much smarter, have you?"
"Nu uh," Devon slurred childishly. "My plan is genius, man."
Then Francis looked at Xavier and said, "You're an idiot."
Xavier just nodded, resigned, "Sounds about right."
"And you two totally deserve each other," Francis finished, walking off. "Bye Devon, have fun getting his cock."
"Bye Franny," Devon waved wildly, hitting Xavier in the face. "Nice seeing ya."
Xavier forced his hand down and told him impatiently, "You know, this plan of yours would go a lot smoother if you didn't only hit on me after getting shit-faced."
Devon shrunk away and looked at his beer sadly, "But 'm always scared. Really, really, scared."
Xavier is definitely an idiot. An idiot who falls too deeply, too quickly with the absolute worst people. So, being the idiot that he was, he resigned himself to waiting for completely straight guy to gather the courage to admit that he's a little bit bent.
