FINDING HOPE

Of Clean Slates and New Beginnings

I never thought that driving non-stop, for hours, can be quite. . .relaxing.

Just me (and my dad!) the long winding road, and lots of trees.

Yeah. . .trees.

We passed over city line almost an hour or so ago, literally out of the suburbs; far away from the busy streets of the central, the bustling noise of the conrete jungle.

Now all I could see, besides the trees that is, are far off mountains and random open fields.

It's not something that I'm used to,to be honest, being a city-boy since birth, but I kinda like it - the somewhat drastic change of scenery, the serene calmness, it seems. . .quiet and peaceful.

"When you see an intersection, turn right."

And he's awake, finally! Snoring off! Lol!

"Intersection, turn right, got it."

"10 minutes more or less and we'll enter the town proper."

"Okay. . ."

"Aren't you tired? You should have let me drive when we left the diner."

"Dad, I said I got this, and besides, do I even look 'tired' to you? I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yes I'm sure."

"If you say so - just don't pass out on me when it's time to unpack."

"I won't."

"Hey, there's the arch! Were here. . ."

Welcome to Lakewood - my father's hometown.

"You're going to love it here son. Everybody knows everybody, and I mean everybody. Plus I can assure you that hey're all very nice people."

"Okay Dad, I'll take your word for it. . ."

"There it is, to the right, we're home!"

Dad was so excited to be home that he almost jumped out of the car and zoomed straight into the house.

It's nice seeing him happy and excited like that.

"Come on slowpoke, get your butt out of the car and hurry up in here!"

"Right behind you!" I yelled back as I locked the jeep. My mouth hanged open seeing the full view of the house!

When Dad told me that their old ancestral home was quite big. . .

He wasn't kidding.

Nope. Not at all!

Imagine - 2 storey, 6 bedrooms, 4-car garage, foyer, front lawn, deck, backyard, storage and a pool. . .

Damn!

It's a big house for just 2 people - huge actually!

Dad inherited it from my grandparents when they passed, I wasn't even born then, so yeah. . .

But the house indeed is beautiful.

Makes me wonder how was it like living here with my grandparents as a kid. Dad probably had a blast. I wish I could have met them though. . .

"Jace? Where you at? Jace?"

I hurried downstairs.

"There you are son, well? Do you like it?"

"Yeah. . ." This house is awesome!

"Have you picked your room yet?"

"Uhmm, the one facing the park, is that okay?"

"With the balcony and vine ladder? *smiles* I knew you'd like that one - just don't go sneaking out in the middle of the night."

"Dad. . ."

"Just kidding son. . ."

"Uh-oh, I am sensing a 'but' coming . . ."

". . .but sometimes I do wish you'd actually sneak out, you know, do what other teens your age normally do, like hanging out and partying. . ."

"I do go out."

"No, you don't."

"Yes Dad, I do."

"Buying groceries does not belong in that category."

"I just don't feel like doing those. . .stuff"

"Why?"

"You know why. . ."

"Son. . .we both. . .lost her *sigh*. . .and I may look normal and sane on the outside - but inside. . .I am hurting too. And as much as I wanted to mourn for your mother every moment I think about her, which is all the time - I am your father first and foremost."

". . . . ."

"How do you think your mom would feel seeing you like this?"

". . . . ."

"Jace. . ."

"Dad please. . ."

"*exhales* Okay son, okay, I get it. . .But just so you know, I'm always here for you, and we can talk about it, anytime, it really helps."

"I know. . .thanks."

"Jace. . ."

"Dad I'm good. . ."

"Then. . .I guess I'll leave you to your unpacking, while I go make us some dinner. . .call you when it's ready?"

"Sure. . ."

Silence.

You're wrong Dad. . .

Talking about it is useless. . .

It doesn't help. . .

It doesn't change anything. . .

The fact that I miss her. . .

Or that I'm still hurting. . .

That she's gone. . .

And never, ever, coming back.

***tbc***