Imaginary chains

     Today was just another day at school. Well, for everybody else. For me it was the perfect opportunity to embarrass myself in front of the entire school again. Just like yesterday, when I was called on in class unexpectedly. Suddenly I felt as if I was unable to breathe, my chest tightened and whilst, attempting to speak, my words got stuck in my throat. I started to panic; I felt a wave of heat rush through my body, followed by an icy one. By this time I was trembling like mad. I knew the correct answer, I knew that I knew that answer, but suddenly I started to doubt myself. I foresaw the eye-rolling that my classmates would do once I answered the question wrongly.  I mumbled my response incoherently, which obviously nobody understood. So I had to repeat it, which only made it 10,000 times worse.  Even though my answer turned out to be right, I could not calm down. For the rest of the lesson I tried not to draw attention to myself by looking down at my desk because I could still feel their judging stares.  If you think that I would shrug off such a situation, you are completely wrong. This moment in class haunted me all through the night. As I lay in bed trying to fall asleep, my brain decided to replay the day’s events over and over again, causing me to feel completely mortified by sunrise. I was praying that today would be a better day with fewer stress -producing moments.

Like every morning I was always one of the first students to arrive as I could simply not imagine coming late to class and facing  all of my peers' scrutinizing glances telling me just how weak, crazy and stupid I was. During class I never raised my hand and tried to avoid any type of attention such as going to the board or volunteering to read aloud.

Thankfully the day more or less flew by and I found myself on my way home sooner than expected. I took a “Blick” and started reading it whilst waiting for my train. Like always it was filled with rubbish.  Ready to chuck the newspaper away, I suddenly caught a glimpse of the last page entitled: “Extreme shyness now known as social anxiety”.  After only a couple of sentences I was completely captivated. Interestingly enough, there was an interview with Barbara Meier, who was one of the first psychiatrists to discover this mental illness.

Blick: What is social anxiety?

Barbara: Social anxiety, also known as social phobia, is the fear of being judged, scrutinized, or negatively evaluated in front of a crowd. The person usually knows that their fears are unnecessary, but they are unable to control them.

To me this just sounds like being overly shy. What are the differences between being shy and having social anxiety?

At first glance they may seem very similar. However, they do differ vastly from one another. For example, it is completely normal that we get shy and fear that we might embarrass ourselves from time to time. It only becomes problematic once the fear controls your life and prevents you from living your life to the full. Maybe I should give you an example of each to illustrate the differences. Imagine that you really love playing soccer and you want to apply for a soccer team. If you are shy, you would be nervous about how you will do but you will nevertheless apply. However, if you suffer from social anxiety, you will not even apply for the team as your fear of embarrassing yourself is too great.

What are some symptoms of social anxiety?

The signs are that you might tremble, sweat, blush or feel dizzy if you are the center of attention. You worry about an upcoming event for several months, weeks or days.  You are most likely bothered for a long time after a social mishap occurs or you might feel confused or cold in social situations. You tend to avoid eye contact and are unwilling to invite people. Often you are desperate for everyone’s approval and feel alone in a group. If you still go to school, you will avoid reading aloud, you feel extremely anxious before, whilst and after an exam, you fear holding presentations and you constantly worry that your teachers or classmates are judging you.