in my head// prucan

prologue // before the move

Matthew lay in his bed, watching videos on his phone. He was trying to ignore the feeling of fatigue that plagued him. No matter what, he had to avoid sleep. Matthew didn’t care that it was 3AM, he couldn't sleep if it meant that he had to burn out his eyes on a tiny screen. He saw terrible things in his sleep. Things that would make one fear for their mentality. And that’s precisely what they did to Matthew. It wasn’t uncommon for him to wake up in a cold sweat, fearing that there might be something in between his walls, or perhaps it was something in the attic? Whatever it was, it drove Matthew up the wall. Not to mention, he didn't have many people to help him.

His father always favoured his brother, Alfred, to a point that was almost absurd. There were even instances where he forgot that Matthew existed. This was why he favored his papa, but of course, he only saw his papa on weekends due to a faulty court system. It was unfortunate, really. Papa seemed to be the only one that cared about him. Even his brother seemed apathetic about him. For now, at least.

The growing feeling of nausea mixed with his fatigue had begun to hit. On top of his lack of sleep, he also had not eaten in a week. Partially by choice, partially due to his forgetful father. His father hadn’t given him lunch money for school, so he didn’t eat anything. He wouldn't dare touch his father’s cooking, either. Last time Matthew checked, charcoal isn’t edible. In all seriousness, his father's cooking was extremely bad, and provided no substance. Last time he ate it, he got food poisoning so bad he was pulled from school for three days.

Matthew's usual routine of watching videos and becoming increasingly sick had been interrupted by a notification. It was a text from his friend, Lars.

- - - - - - -

Bold = Lars

Italics = Matthew

- - - - - - -

So, are you almost ready for next week?

Oh God I almost forgot

Yeah, I’m all packed. I can’t wait to move back to Sunnybrook tbh

YEAH BOIII

Lmao

I’m serious dude

I missed you big time

Bitch me too tf

Living here is like asking Satan to piss in your eyes

Yikes

I mean, same, but like

Wow

Yeah I know.

Not to mention the school system is awful

I went to the counselor after a depressive episode and you know what this bitch said?

Girl what'd she do?

“try harder to express ur emotions”

Bitch WHAT

IKR?! BITCH MAYBE I WOULD IF MY FATHER DIDN’T FORGET I FUCKIN EXIST

Does this bitch know abt ur illnesses?

She has my record so yeah I think she knows abt the bpd and nightmare shit

What about insomnia?

Undiagnosed

Ohhh

What about the depression?

She knows that too

Well a bitch is about to catch these hands

Go for it this bitch can’t do SHIT

A kid committed suicide three years ago and put “Maybe if the counselor said more than “try harder” I’d still be here”

I hate to say this but

Mood

Tbh when I read a copy of the note and it got to that I turned to my friend and said “bitch me too”

LMAOOOO

GIRL ME TOO DON’T WORRY

I’m pretty sure everyone had the same reaction as me tbh

That’s a lotta kids tho

Did all of ‘em go to see the counselor?

With this school? Probably

One time a kid brought a baseball bat with nails in it to school

Another one brought a pocket knife

I remember once a kid tried killing themself in the school bathroom and a group of kids were egging them on and singing and shit

Jesus fucking CHRIST

Ikr? Like tf man

Anything happen to those kids?

Kid who attempted got suspended for a week and the kids egging them on got lunch detention for two days

Ok what the FUCK dude

Right? I swear this school system is fucked man

True. You won’t be there much longer, tho

Yeah man! I can't wait to see you again

Oh btw

A new kid moved here while you were away

Oh worm?

Yeah lol

His name is Gilbert

I know that’s actually a name but all I can think about is that cat from Caillou

Oh my fucking GOD MATTHEW

Lmao

He’s kinda hot tho

You'd like him

👀👀👀

Dear Christ

- - - - - - - - -

Matthew had to put down his phone for a moment. Though he was laughing, he began to feel a twisting pain in his stomach. He had finally begun to feel the pain of not eating for so long. He decided to try to sneak into the kitchen and grab something from the fridge.

Trying to be as quiet as possible, he opened the door to his room very slowly, and stepped out of the room on tiptoes. Matthew moved down the hallway, out to the staircase. The stairs were always very creaky, but he knew how to be quiet when walking down. Once he got to the first floor, he began to tiptoe again. He stayed close to the wall in doing so, just to avoid any loose boards that may creak. It was difficult to get to the kitchen this way, but it was the best way to avoid waking somebody up. He knew from experience that waking up someone in this house was a death sentence.

Just as he thought the coast was clear, Matthew slipped on a stray towel. However, before he fell to the floor, he caught himself on a moving box and the counter. Despite still making some noise, it was not enough to wake up Arthur. He got back to his feet and continued to move to the fridge. Once he got to the fridge, he looked around to see what would be best for him to eat. Half of a day-old deli sandwich caught his attention. He grabbed it and quickly made his way back to the wall. After that, he went back to his room.

The consequences of taking the sandwich didn’t hit him until he was back in his room.

‘Well,” Matthew thought, “Even if Arthur notices, he'll probably blame it on Alfred.”