Autumn Slumber

Prologue

Hanschen was an altar boy from the age of 5, when he was 6 in confession he told the father that he had a crush on one of the boys in the church. The father told him he had to repent for these sins in private with the pastor himself and he could not tell anyone about this repentance. When he reached the office, the pastor told him to remove his clothes and the pastor touched him. This carried on as a weekly torment in Hanschen's life for the next 5 years. When Hanschen was sent off to boarding school he escaped the 'repentance'. Hanschen had his first kiss at 11 with Max Von Trek, a family friend who he shared a dorm with and he was in a relationship with the boy for the next two years until when Hans was 13, max died. After this he was distraught and for a few months his new dorm mate, Ernst became his reason for living as he began to rely on their private visits to the vineyard. They weren't romantically intimate but these visits gave Hanschen some comfort and love and he began to fall in love with Ernst. After one encounter in the vineyard where both boys decided to act out their feelings, the two engaged in a relationship. That summer Ernst visited his home and they were intimate yet didn't do anything Hanschen did with max. Ernst wasn't max and when they touched it reminded Hanschen of max and it reminded him sometimes of the pastor. One day in summer his father walked in on the boys kissing  and sent Hanschen back to the church. Hanschen for the first time in his life was raped. The touching was beyond what he's done with max and felt like utter violation. He was once again an altar boy and was forced to return to the village every weekend and spend the whole weekend in the church.
When he returned to school he quickly ran for comfort in Bobby Maler, a boy older than him. Bobby had shown an interest in Hanschen so he threw himself at the older boy in order to regain some sense of dignity and ownership of his body. Instead he lost everything. Bobby used him again and again and again. One day he told bobby wanted to stop but bobby simply used him and then beat him till he was sobbing. Bobby never came back. It was Melchior that found him and helped him. So he took comfort in Melchior to help him. What he didn't realise was that he was falling in love again. And Melchior once again broke his heart. He hasn't meant to tell Melchior but he had lost control and it slipped out. All Melchior did was laugh and tell him that love wasn't real. After that encounter he went after moritz, out of spite. He took moritz' first kiss in order to prove to Melchior that love was real. It worked because Melchior didn't talk to him for a while after that and moritz couldn't look him or Melchior in the face. He continued to take things from people, he used them and he let himself be used. He slept with everyone and none of them mattered. He felt nothing. He even slept with bobby again. Just to spite them. He still didn't know who they were but he knew that he had a deep hatred for them. There were a few, mainly his friends, that mattered to him. Wendla told him what Melchior had done to her and how she was now in a horrible situation. He helped her find a safe clinic that she could go to and let her stay at his house. His parents no longer cared. He talked with ilse and whilst on their way back to his house they found moritz. Hanschen was able to convince him to stay at his house. His parents wouldn't even notice the three more people living in their house. When he was 18 he left, he took the three of them and bought an apartment. They lived together and that's when the old gang began to reform. That's when he began to see Ernst again. That's when he began to love Ernst again.