Art of Letting Go

Lately, I've grown a soft spot for the cruel Titan Atlas. After all, he is the literal version of my metaphorical situation. We both bear the weight of sky on our shoulders. Mine thunders purple with resentment through gray clouds of disappointment and the black shroud of gloom. It crushes me down until my ribs start to ache and my heart numbs itself by hammering its cage. My scraped hands try to thrust it above but lightning flashes lilac and the flame in my eyes feels insignificant in its cold brightness. The thunder coos in my ears and urges me to give up. My shoulders droop and legs start giving out. I try to block my ears but the evil laughs and reminds me that he resides within. His icy whispers chill my weighted spine and I shiver despite the fire fuelled by the molten lead coursing my veins, which dances on my skin like a soul in agony.

Sometimes hope comes in form of a few stubborn sun rays. They nuzzle their nose against the hollow of my collarbone and caress the laced cage of my broken heart. My lip trembles in gratitude as the frost melts from my heart and lungs soak a whisper of warmth. With a certain grace, they knead my taut shoulders. The scorching white flames cower away from their warmth. They brush my neck and cup my face with delicacy. The evil's voice wavers as hope kisses my forehead and looks me in the eye with a smile that sends a clear message- You've got me as long as you hold onto me.

Their warmth remains even when clouds claim their territory again. Evil screeches in my head and the lightning tries to dim the spark in my eyes as clouds start raining despair. For a few terrifying moments, my skin forgets the feather like kisses of hope and world feels dark again. As thunder claps, I realize that my sky is trying its best to weigh me down. My knees buckle and every breath turns into a labor. The icy hiss of Evil's laughter clenches my heart like a snake, almost knocking me out cold.

I shake my head and cling onto the memories of lazy summer afternoons in fields of sunflower where the sun winks through its petals. My heart warms and a fire flares within me. I realize that I am not a punished Titan and the sky I am holding isn't the sky I belong under. It's the evil that has convinced me to carry his load while he made himself comfortable inside my mind. I glare at the black shroud and a flash of lightning burns the sulfurous air with resentment.

That's when the truth hits me like a freight train. With every rise in my chest, I have cursed my tragedy, with every fall I have vowed vengeance and unintentionally with every such cycle, I have poisoned the air a little more. I have fed this sky with my own thoughts and as my thoughts grew dark, the sky above no longer stayed clear and bright. It weighed down until it settled on the base of my neck, a few inches above the knife in my lower back.

The wound was purple and raw. The knife remained buried in layers of skin and muscles, banishing any form of healing. Whenever the sky became overwhelming, my shoulders would droop and its surface would press the hilt of the knife ever so slightly. Black spots mocked my vision but I never dared to uproot the source. I feared the searing pain followed by the trail of blood upon its removal. Foolish me, I chose slow poison over a sting.

The shades of black, grey and purple in the sky were nothing but the shades of my bruise. My stubbornness was holding back my healing. I was keeping my hands busy with unnecessary weight when I could have used them to bandage my wounds.

~~~ 

So, apparently, I was missed on Wattpad. Thanks to zeenat24kauser I realized that I haven't posted since eternity. I am extremely sorry for being so distant lately. College and life are keeping me occupied these days. But just know that I love you all no matter the distance. 

What do you think about this piece? 

I was really sad when I wrote it. Although I've written in metaphors about the darkness within me, I've written my heart and everything that is tearing it apart. I hope you like it. 

Take care, my rays of sun. 

I love you all. 

Also, while you're at it, follow my blog: Modern Muse: https://soumyaagrawal.wordpress.com/