But That's Just Music

Your Story

Just listen to that first beat, that opening melody, that beginning bass and I think of you. I haven't spoken to you in so long. That first beat is all I can remember of your face, your hair, your smile. The opening melody is all I can remember of the love you had for me that drove us together every day. That beginning bass is all I can remember of the pain, confusion and anger you caused. But that's just music... right?

The first day I met you, that's something else I hardly remember. I remember the calls we used to have where we would stay up until 3:00 am, but I don't remember a single thing we said, I don't even remember what your voice sounded like. All I really remember of those nights was you yelling at me because I wouldn't tell my parents about you. It's like only remembering the end of a song where you're just left with how sad the voice is but you don't remember the happy lyrics that got you there. But that's just music... right?

I remember the trip that we took together. I remember that was the first time that you told me how you really felt. I don't remember how you told me, I don't remember what I said after, all I really remember is how you were that song that I related to. The song I knew was putting bad ideas in my head but I listened to it anyway. You were the song that drove me away from the one I really loved, and the one that told me it was ok. You were the song that made me leave something amazing that I could never get back. But I can't blame all that on you because that's just music... right?

I remember how people started to realize that we weren't as perfect for each other as we seemed. I don't remember the day people started to hate you, and hate us together, but I do remember the day that someone said we were perfect together. I guess it was like that one line in a song that had the least to do with the real meaning but it was the only one that ran in your head. Just like that line, I only thought about how perfect people used to say we would be together, I loved that line so much that I forgot how horrible you really were most of the time. Because of that line at the time I couldn't see that you had changed into a monster, but now I can remember even the words you said that changed you in my mind so much. But that's just music... right?

I remember the day you were kicked out of school. I think that's the day I remember about you the most. I remember the words you said to her brother that got you kicked out. I remember talking about it with administrators, consolers, and friends. I remember every idiotic move that lead up to that. But more than all of these things, I remember missing you like a fool. It was like that one horrible song that everyone else hated but you related to it so much that you just had to listen to it. You knew and you could hear how bad the song sounded but the voice and the words lined up so perfectly for you that you listened to it even though you were ashamed that you had it. But that's just music... right?

I remember how we stopped talking and I remember that it was my fault. I don't remember anything more of that day. I don't remember if it was because of another boy I had met a week before, or if it was the nice gestures random boys would do for me, or if it was because we would never see each other, or because my family hated you, or if it was because I hated you without realizing it. It was almost like that song that they would over play on the radio, at first you loved it more than any other song but as time went on you started to hate the tune and there never seemed to be a reason why. Sometimes we start hating songs for no logical reason. Sometimes we hate songs just because we've heard them one too many times. That doesn't mean that I'm going to slam the radio off when it comes on or that I will never listen to it again but I just don't want to hear it every day. But that's just music... right?

You've left me now, I'll never see you again. Your existence is like that song you can't remember the words to, you want to be able to hear the song whenever you want and as much as you want, but if you can't remember how it goes then you can never find it. Just like that it doesn't seem as though I'm ever able to find you. I text you but you never read it, much less respond to it. I call you but you never listen to my voice mails, much less hit accept. I try to talk to you in person but you're never around. You avoid me the way that the words of a song avoid my thought when I want to listen to it the most.

But you, are just music... right?