Late Night Thoughts

September 12, 2017

Sometimes, only one person can change who you are. A simple smile could make you happier one day because someone decided to smile at you, and you felt a little special because that's something that doesn't commonly happen in everyday live. Others can make you sad. If someone is wearing a band shirt or something that reminds you of someone or something that brought you a great amount of sadness, you'll think about it. Instantly, your mind thinks of the sadness that happened cause some ignorant person thought about themself more than others. Or a past time that made you so depressed that you would do anything to get out of the situation... Anything, anything at all. Including taking your own life to save yourself pain. Some people say suicide is selfish. I suppose it is in a way, but sometimes, it takes a lot of gut to kill yourself because something or someone is keeping you from dying. When you do try to commit suicide, your true friends come out. Sometimes that's only 1 friend that was willing to actually discuss what's wrong and what to do to help. Sometimes having maybe 2 friends saying, "Stop this isn't the way to go," helps a lot. It shows they atleast care enough to talk to you. Then the next day after you tried dying, you just think. Think of everything that caused you to want to do that. Think of the people that have done you wrong. Think of the things you regret, all the lies you told, everything. All the scars you have start to show eventually and you have to own up to them and admit that you messed up. But those scars are powerful. They show something that you have overcame. Something that could have killed you...
Depression is a strong feeling.
And there's not many ways to turn it off.
Some of your friends when you were little, used to talk about hating themself and you thought about how someone so pretty and kind could ever hate themself so much. You slowly start to find out how much you can hate yourself because you start hating yourself as well. Then you think about how hard that friend fought to keep themself from killing themself. Some nights you would just wonder if you will wake up still having that friend or if they finally made their wish come true. Then you have some "friends" that think its okay to do things for attention. Then when you try to help that friend, the truths come out and everyone starts hating you because that "friend" started telling everyone fake lies.
Its amazing how someone you trusted so much, could backstab you in a second.