I dont think about him as much anymore but before I forget more I thought I should record our story so someday if I want to remember I can look at this. This is what I remembered. This is my story.
Everything started almost 2 years ago exactly. It was 4 o'clock in the morning one summer night when I was 13. I was bored out of my mind and my friend had left her laptop at my house and the possibility of the internet at night was keeping me up. I was scrolling through Facebook looking for something to do and so I decided to talk to the only person who was online at that time. His name was Sam. We started talking that night and I found out that he wanted to be a chef and I told him I wanted to be a vet. He teased me about that. Maybe that was when I started to like him. We talked every night for the next 2 weeks and one of the strongest memories of mine from those 2 weeks is looking up love quotes while I waited for him to respond. The only one I still remember reading is "Humans were created with 4 arms a head and 2 faces. Fearing their power Zeus split them in two condemning them to spend the rest of their life searching for their other half." That quote became my motto for our relationship. After 2 weeks of talking I asked hime one night if we could meet up. We met the next day at our local pizza place he bought me a pepsi and we walked to the wharf and he told me funny stories about his family. I think I fell in love with him that day. That night when we were talking he asked me if I would be his girlfriend. I wanted to cry I was so happy. The date was July 31st 2012. We only saw each other once more that summer and I don't know maybe because of that or maybe just because we weren't right we were always awkward around each other. After school started we talked everyday but only saw each other once in September. We met at my friends house and the 3 of us watched a movie together.
October 31st 2012 I told him I loved him. He broke up with me that night, he told me he didn't feel that way about me. I read that text at 6 o'clock in the morning and I felt like my heart had died. I felt so cold. He texted me later that day and asked if I was okay. I lied and said I was fantastic. Then that night I texted him you know you love me and he sent me the same breakup message again. I told him that I had meant it for someone else. It ruined my Halloween. We started talking again that Friday as friends a week later he told me that he had lied he did love me he just wasn't good at this kind of thing. We dated until December 23 that year I went to the ovies that night and before I went in I told him I loved him to the moon and back and he never responded so when the movie was over I texted him and asked him if he even loved me. He said no. I wanted to die that night. And I continued to want to die every night for the next year. But I didn't. And I only didn't because I was determined to not let him know that he meant that much to me. But he did. He texted me a week later and I had my first panic attack that night. I was so upset. We became friends again after that and in January he told me that he lied because he thought I didn't love him. I still don't know which was the lie. We started dating again and we were fairly happy but I didn't trust him anymore and I never did again. We dated until March of 2013 when he told me he had cheated on me I broke p with him that night and 2 days later he told me he had lied he thought I had cheated on him. We got back together later that week and we dated until the beginning of May. The Thursday before he left for Quebec he told me he loved me for the first time to my face. I thought I would die I was so happy. He left for Quebec on Saturday and on Monday he told me he had fallen in love with someone else. He said he was joking but I broke up with him anyway. When he came back we tried to connect again and we succeeded we dated again but not officially and then in June of that year I lost my Virginity to him. I was just barely 14. 2 days later he went to prom with another girl. That was the end of us as a couple. He started dating her that summer. He continued to flirt with me all through the following year and he would occasionally tell me he loved me. I din't know what to do I still loved him so much and I couldn't imagine that he could not love me anymore so I believed him. That continued until January of 2014 when he found out I had told other people we had sex. He stopped talking to me and I was very upset until the following Monday when I found out he was still with his girlfriend I felt like he had lied to me so I decided I wasn't talking to him anymore. It got easier after that. I started to let go of him. I started to stop liking him. It's April of 2014 now I don't like him anymore. Not even as a friend. I'm just neutral now. I still think about him sometimes and wonder if in any world we might have lasted but I don't think we would have. I'm starting to think I like my best friend Aaron. But it's hard because I'm so scared of what would happen if we dated. That's the only real mark he's left on my life now I'm scared of love. But I don't think I always will be. Because how was I supposed to know that wasn't what love was. I was so young. So in love. But now I'm seeing the world differently and who knows maybe Aaron is who I am going to end up with. Who knows?
