No love lost for him -phan oneshot

t was a Tuesday, I was in the flat on my own, since Phil was out again
You see over the past month or so he'd be really secretive, and won't tell me anything, and when he does talk to me it's about random shit neither of us care about
I just want to know what's happening
I pull my phone out to text him
'Phil, when you home? X'
I waited
And waited
And waited for a reply
He normally replies straight away to me but nope, not now
He replies 2 hours later
'Im on my way and I've got something I need to tell you so be prepared'

I have a feeling this is gonna be something really bad

and I was right

He came barging in through the door, with a girl, you could hear her before you could see her, she had the most annoying laugh ever
Why Phil WHY

"Dan this is Danielle"
I looked her up and down
Fake blonde hair, really bad extensions, a really bad fake tan job with really bright green eyes
"Hi" I said looking directly at her, I turned my attention to Phil
"So what do you need to tell me"
"Well for the past month me and Danielle here have been in a relationship"
"So she's the reason why you haven't been making any videos lately?"
Shit, he looked said
"Ur, yeah I guess so"
I was so done with this, I had to get away, because the longer i look at the the more I'm going to break

I lock myself in my room
It's not long before there's a knock at my door
"Dan you okay there mate?"
Mate? Fuck being mates Phil can you tell I want more then that?

"Yeah don't worry about me I'm used to being on my own go have fun with your girlfriend"
The word girlfriend came out like poison dripping from me
I know it seems harsh but I don't care anymore
"okay, so ur yeah we're just gonna be in my room, try not to disturb please"

I didn't reply
What was I going to say? 'Oh have fun fucking your girlfriend that I'm insanely jealous of' no of course not
So I left it hoping he'd get the picture, he did

It's now half 1 in the morning and all I can hear is inhuman noises coming from Phil's room, I know it's not him, I mean to kinda work these things out after living together for a while
her inhuman noises kept getting louder,

When I said before her laugh was the most annoying sound? I was wrong because her 'moaning' is defiantly the most annoying thing I've ever heard in my life

When the morning came, I woke up with a banging headache, I managed to get about 2 hours sleep
I walked into the kitchen to see Phil and Danielle swapping spit, him just wearing some sweat pants and she was wearing MY tshirt, why is she wearing my tshirt? Could this day get any worse?

It was about 4 in the afternoon when she left
Phil soon joined me
"So what do you think of her? Your opinion is important to me"
"Yeah she's... nice"
"Dan, don't lie to me, I can tell when you lie, tell me what you really think of her"

"Fine, I really really dislike her, she's annoying and fake and really really fucking annoying, you can do so much better then her, is that what you wanted to hear?"

he looked sad, was I too honest?
"What do you mean?"
"For a starters she had a bad bleach job to her hair, really fake extensions, she looked like a fucking Oompa Loompa, she's makes so weird noises in the bedroom that kept me up, and the worst part is I come down to her wearing my favourite tshirt"

It felt good to let it out

"You're just jealous that you can't get a girl to look twice at you"

Where did he grow these balls from? he's always so quiet and considerate to everyone

"I'm not jealous"
"Yes you are you can't get a girl so you're jealous is so obvious"
"I don't want a girl Phil"
"Your lying"
"No I want you"
"What? Did you just say?"
"Yes I did I want you phil, I'm not jealous of the fact you have her I'm jealous that she has you, she has the one person that I want"
"I don't known what to say Dan"
"Tell me you're not actually with her, it's all a lie, tell me your gay and you love me as much as I love you"
"I- I can't, I'm not gay Dan, never have been and I never will be sorry I just don't like you like that, and the sooner you get over that the better because this could really fuck up our friendship"
I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying

"Fine, I'm going to my room, don't disturb me"

I didn't wait for a reply, I just left him standing there
Was he homophobic?
Have I just lost my best friend? The most important person in my life has now gone
I've lost him for good I know it

I once again locked myself in room, it seems like I'm spending all my time here
Sulking
Thinking of Phil
just hoping and wishing he will love me one day

But that's not going to happen, I'm not good enough for him, I'll never be good enough, I'll never be enough for him, or for anyone

So I did the first thing I could think of, I grabbed my razor from the draw next to my bed

I turned my right wrist over
I haven't done this in 7 months, you could hardly see any scars anymore
7 months clean
That ends today

1 cut for being gay
1 cut for being in love with Phil
1 cut for being losing my best friend
1 cut for being jealous
1 cut for for not being enough
And 5 for being a failure

The blood was running down my arm, blood droplets falling on to my bed staining my sheets

I made my way to the bathroom being careful not to let blood drop to the floor and stain the carpet

running my wrist under water, watching the water turn red, gave me a happy feeling, using toilet paper to put pressure on the cuts to stop the bleeding, after a few minutes it was acceptable, after flushing the toilet paper away I made my way to the kitchen to make a coffee, and Phil was there
He saw my wrist
And to be honest I really couldn't care

"Dan, why did you do that I thought you had stopped"
I didn't reply
"Dan stop being a fucking idiot and tell me"

"Because I'm gay, I'm in love with you, I lost my best friend, for being jealous, for not being enough and knowing I'll never be enough and for being a failure"

"Non of that is true, apart from the whole losing your best friend bit, sorry Dan but i can't stay here now"

I should of cut more
For making the love of my life so uncomfortable that he had to leave

Well done Dan,